Big Ronnie: Apology not fucking accepted.
Piiparinen: See for yourselves. There's something really weird about him. Don't you think?
Aimo: He's a foreigner.
Glen McCreavy: Why does the asshole always get the girl?
Mr. Nobody: It's ironic, isn't it? The Old Testament had a wrathful God, but people became uneasy with the concept, needed a best seller, so they came up with a New Testament. Suddenly God was loving and forgiving. I'm old-school, myself. I prefer the Old Testament. I mean you've got to love a God who's not afraid to mete out a little vengeance when the need arises.
Penelope: We're all doomed, Bug. It's the human condition.
Mike Pomeroy: You know what I've noticed, people only say "lighten up" when they're gonna stick their fist up your ass.
Rocha: Each dog licks his own dick.
Florence Marr: I just got out of a long relationship and I don't want to go from just having sex to just having sex to just having sex.
Roger Greenberg: Who's the third 'just having sex'?
Florence Marr: You. If we had sex.
Louis Ives: You have a strange power over people, Henry.
Henry Harrison: It's my constant disapproval. Some find it fatherly.
Derek Thompson: I'm the Tooth Fairy.
Randy: Thought you said you were a vampire. You got some inconsistent mythology.
Mickey Ward: I'm the one who's fighting. Not you, not you, and not you.
Bruce Pearson: Freddie, stop listening to music made by poofs. Stick on some Elton John.
Lucien Ginsburg: When I go out, it's to meet up with women. How else do think I was able to draw cunt hair?
Stephan Gold: Truth is a luxury, Rachel.
Lou Ford: I got a foot on both sides of the fence. They were put there early, and they stayed put. I can't move. I can't jump. All I can do is wait until I split, right down the middle.
Russell Clank: Is he dead?
David Dutton: Well if he is, he won't mind waiting.
Matty: Let me ask you something, how do you know when you're in love?
Bullpen Pitcher: Well.
Matty: What?
Bullpen Pitcher: I've got a way, whenever this one thing happens I know I'm done. I will tell you but its personal and I don't want anybody making fun of me for it.
Matty: No, no-ones going to... just go.
Bullpen Pitcher: I think I'm in love with somebody when I wear a condom with the other girls, OK?
Matty: Holy shit I'm in love.
Mr. Goodman: The piranha hunt in packs. The first bite draws blood, blood draws the pack.