Jack Frost: Would you like to be my elf?
Sylvia Newman: Huh?
Jack Frost: You heard me.
Max Skinner: You tried to drown me.
Fanny Chenal: And you tried to run me over in your little car.
Aquamarine: But I've learned it's not where you are, it's who you're with.
Professor Jules Hilbert: The last thing to determine conclusively is whether you're in a comedy or a tragedy.To quote Italo Calvino, "The ultimate meaning to which all stories refer has two faces: the continuity of life, the inevitability of death." Tragedy, you die. Comedy, you get hitched.
Ackerman: We'll have to dress it up a little. Disguise it. Give them enough reason to doubt it.
Doug Carlin: I'll speak slow, so those of you with Ph.D.'s in the room can understand.
Victor: Now, I think we'd better go inside before we become a tourist attraction.
Kevin Fischer: What's wrong?
Wendy Christensen: It's nothing. It's just that I'm going to be worrying about you every second while you're gone.
Kevin Fischer: Why would you worry about me? We don't even like each other, remember?
Whitey: So you're from up top, eh? I used to work in a laboratory up top. Yeah, big shampoo job. I was dark grey when we started. Still, it cleared up me dandruff.
Boatyard Woman: Guys who drink Kahlua and cream are not power guys, honey.
[Finds Barbie at a yard sale.]
Borat: Is this the owner of the house? Did you shrink her? Please Gypsy lady don't shrink me, I just want your tears.
Courtney Callum: I am not happy right now.
JB: Now our masterpiece will never happen because we won't be fueled by Satan.
Lorenzo Council: Kiss my ass, brotherfucker.
Pipp Everett: Provost, he has knocked that woman out with his schlong!
Kitty Fane: It's raining cats and dogs.
Kitty Fane: I said it's raining cats and dogs.
Walter Fane: Yes, I heard you.
Kitty Fane: You might have answered.
Walter Fane: I suppose I'm not used to speaking unless I've something to say.
Kitty Fane: If people only spoke when they had something to say, the human race would soon lose the power of speech.
Oliver: This isn't a war. This is like humans fighting maggots. Or dragons fighting wolves. Or humans on dragons throwing wolves at maggots.
Mike: I believe God's M.O. is to transmute evil into good and if He's active here, he's doing that now. Although our eyes can't perceive it. The whole process is hidden beneath the surface of our reality. It will only be revealed later. And even then, the people of the future, our children's children, will never truly know this awful time that we have gone through and the losses we took. Maybe some footnote in a minor history book, a brief mention with no list of the fallen.
Randal Graves: Emma, are you like this 'cause you have an unnaturally large clit?
Emma: You just *had* to tell him, didn't ya?
Dante Hicks: It kinda came out one day!
Randal Graves: He says it's so big it's almost like a little cock, which says all kinds of weird things about him that I don't even wanna think about.
Hippy: We're going to stay here until we get the petition to save these trees.
Bert - Lumberjack Foreman: Yeah, and what is that petition made out of? Paper, you moron! Paper from trees.