Quiz Kid Donnie Smith: I know I did a stupid thing. So stupid! Getting braces. I thought... I thought he would love me. Getting... braces! And for what? For something I don't even... I don't know where to put things, you know? I really do have love to give! I just don't know where to put it.
Dinger: Why did you join the Army?
Andy McNab: To keep out of trouble.
Dinger: So your thought if you joined up they'd be no more trouble?
Andy McNab: Best thing I ever did. Never been in trouble since.
Dinger: What the bloody hell do you call this?
Vince Boudreau: If a man builds a thousand bridges and sucks one dick, they don't call him a bridge-builder... they call him a cocksucker.
Leigh Ann Watson: It's completely factual, she was burned at the stake.
Mrs. Tingle: Always the victim, aren't we, Ms. Watson?
Leigh Ann Watson: Well there are certain similarities between society today and seventeenth century Salem. I guess that would be the irony of it all.
Mrs. Tingle: Irony is the opposite of what is or might be expected. For example, if Ms. Watson was expecting an A on her history project, she might find the actual result to be rather ironic.
Daniel McMann: Look at the buses, watch 'em.
Carla Tate: Why, what are they gonna do?
Daniel McMann: They pull in, and then they pull out, and they turn, and they back up.
Barbara Porter: Look, I know your grandpa's not great with you girls.
Melanie 'Mel' Porter: Mom, that's like saying the Titanic's not great with icebergs.
Roy Lee: I'll tell you what's unbelievable... captain of the football team being jealous of you.
Alan Mann: Look, if he comes to me for your ass, I'm going to have to give it to him. Then you'll just be a hole, with no ass around it.
Dutch Van Den Broeck: What happens if you don't get elected?
Kay Chandler: The country goes to hell.
Mrs. Shah: I will never allow my daughters to marry into this jungly family of half-breeds.
Ella Khan: Well they may be half-bred, but at least they're not friggin' inbred like those two monstrosities.
Larry Mann: Sometimes you gotta chew your own leg off to get out of life's traps.
Nels Gudmundsson: Accident rules every corner of the universe... except perhaps the chambers of the human heart.
Lois McNally: If you need anything call me, although I don't know how to do anything except buy clothes.
Young Frank: Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It's been a minute since my last confession.
Trent: A woman has an orgasm, it's like a fuckin' earthquake, right? I was doing this one Bertha once, I swear to God it was like a 7.5. It's like, I'm lookin' at my dick, going, "Jesus Christ, why can't you do that?"
Archie Gates: Sit down. What do you see here?
Chief Elgin: Bunkers, sir.
Archie Gates: What's in them?
Troy Barlow: Stuff they stole from Kuwait.
Archie Gates: Bullshit. I'm talking about millions in Kuwaiti bullion.
Conrad Vig: You mean them little cubes you put in hot water to make soup?
Archie Gates: No, not the little cubes you put in hot water to make soup.
Detective McBain: I think I made the age-old mistake: Never trust a beautiful woman.
Oscar Novak: ...she has an ass so sexy, I struggle to understand it.
