Junior: Why does this guy love me? Why does any parent love any kid? Maybe it's one of those answers we'll never know, like how high is up? Why is the sky blue? And whatever happened to Mrs. Healy?
Judy: Come on, I wanna know how you two met.
Nora: I picked him up in a bar. How's that?
Max: I was drunk, and she was drunk, and I liked her looks so I convinced her to let me bring her home, and I seduced her on the sofa bed, and it was magic, and I keep coming back for more.
Violet Kray: I don't think it's possible to love someone too much but I think you can love them in the wrong way.
Genie: Hey, Pop! Give me a five! Get down! Get back! Get real! Get a haircut.
Tinker: Technology is our friend.
Screwface: Everybody want go heaven. Nobody want dead. Afraid.
Louis: I hate cops.
Mason Storm: So, how come you're not watching the Oscars tonight?
Counterman: The Oscars?
Mason Storm: Yeah, the Oscars.
Counterman: I hate the Oscars.
Mason Storm: You're not having a good time, huh?
Counterman: I mean, who needs the goddamn movies anyway? I got a show in here every single night.
Mason Storm: Yeah?
Counterman: You've got horror, sex, freaks, violence. I don't got to pay no four bucks either.
Grand High Witch: This stinking little carbuncle has had five hundred doses! Aha, we are having Instantaneous action.
Father Dyer: May the schwartz be with you.
Jackie Flannery: They don't even want to call it "Hell's Kitchen" no more. Renamed it "Clinton." Sounds like a fucking steamboat.
Billy Covington: I don't wanna crash twice in one day.
Gene Ryack: Don't worry, I crash better that anyone I know.
Sunny von Bülow: I'm thinking of redecorating this whole fucking house.
Sgt. Virgil Hoogesteger: I know exactly what I'm gonna do.
Richard Rascal Moore: Oh God, Virg, if I have to hear one more word about that stupid restaurant.
Sgt. Virgil Hoogesteger: It's not stupid! At least I've got a plan! What are you gonna do after the war, huh?
Richard Rascal Moore: Come to your restaurant and rob it.
Miss Bianca: Come on, darling. Let's get a move out.
Patricia: My father says that almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know. Everybody you see. Everybody you talk to. He says that only a few people are awake and they live in a state of constant total amazement.
Reggie Hammond: Let me tell you something, Jack. If shit was worth something, poor people would be born with no asshole.