Tiger Woods: I always wanted to say this... fa-shizzle.
P. Diddy: What are you doing, Ness? You just gonna do your taxes right now? Is that hot? Is that what's going down in the streets?
Tyree: My name is Tyree, and yeah, I went to prison.
Dave Chappelle: ...Jokes and jokes and jokes and jokes.
Tyrone Biggums: Why do you think I carjacked you, Rhonda?
Rhonda: 'Cause the cops found you in it three hours later asleep, high on crack.
Tyrone Biggums: That's impossible, Rhonda. How can you sleep when you're high on crack? Chinese riddle for you.
Man with Messed Up Teeth: How come us black people smoke so much weed?
Paul Mooney: I got a question for you, ni**a. What happened to your teeth?
Dave Chappelle: There's times to be real, and there's times to be phony. That's right, I said it, phony! You think I'm this nice in real life? Fuck that, son! That's just 'cause I'm on TV. I'd pull my balls out right now... skeet skeet skeet skeet.
Rick James: Charlie murphy! What's happening, partner! darkness, everyone, darkness! HEY everybody, darkness is spreading.
Dave Chappelle: R. Kelly was pissed. No punchline to that. Ni**a was pissed. He was all, "How could you go and make a video about peeing on someone?" Ni**a, how could you go making a video about peeing on somebody?
President Black Bush: I didn't want to say this. The motherfucker bought yellow cake. All right! From Africa. He went to Africa and bought some yellow cake.
News Reporter: Are you sure?
President Black Bush: Yes! I'm sure, bitch.
Rick James: I'm one of the baddest motherfuckers of all time, one of the best singers and one of the best looking motherfuckers you've ever seen. Hold my drink, bitch.
Prosecutor: Are you aware that Robert Blake has been accused of murdering his wife?
Dave Chappelle: Oh yeah. Baretta did that shit.
Rick James: Drink UP, be merry! Welcome to the China Club - A-CHUNGA-CHUNG-KUNG-A-CHINGA-KUNG-KAW-CHING.
Phaze 2: Yo, go in there and get me a Philly blunt son.
Tron: And a banana Cognac, biotch.
Rick James: They shoulda never gave you ni**as money.
Silky Johnson: That was Beautiful. On the weekends, Beautiful does stunts for Little Richard in gay movies.
Audience Member: Negrodamus, why is President Bush convinced there are weapons of mass destruction in Iraq?
Negrodamus: Because he has the receipt.
Dave Chappelle: Welcome back to Chappelle Show, I still haven't been canceled yet but I'm workin' on it.
Dave Chappelle: Skeet Skeet Skeet.
Vernon: Thug life! You think this a game, ni**a! Arf! Arf! WU-TANG.
