Lt. Arthur Fancy: The future keeps telling us what the past was about. You make the past mean different things by the way you use the time that comes after.
Det. Danny Sorenson: He's the fast-talker of the partnership, while you take care of the silent, brooding chores?
Det. Connie McDowell: Theo walked in on me while I was getting out of the shower this morning.
Det. Rita Ortiz: Well, was this a glimpse or what?
Det. Connie McDowell: Everything, I mean the Full Monty.
Det. Rita Ortiz: Well, at least he has something interesting to use during sharing time at school this morning.
Andy: You got a lot of morons in your family? 'Cause that could be genetic.
A.D.A. Valerie Haywood: I've got a big problem.
Lt. Tony Rodriguez: Oh, that's third floor. We're small to medium problems down here.
Det. Danny Sorenson: All right, into the cage for a while.
Julio Diaz: For what?
Det. Danny Sorenson: For breaking balls. You give me no cooperation, I'm gonna run you for warrants in every jurisdiction in America.
Julio Diaz: Man, go out and get shot in the street.
Det. Danny Sorenson: Yeah, why don't you write that up for Reader's Digest?"My Worst Day Ever So Far" by Julio.
Henry Coffield: I'm not a kid anymore, Simone. If you can't be kind about the people you feel kindness towards, you're no damn good.
Det. Bobby Simone: The way I look at that, Henry: if we're still drawing breath, we have a chance to do something on our shortcomings besides piss and moan.
Andy: She make any derogatory references?
Lt. Arthur Fancy: She said you were old and bald.
Andy: Old?
Det. Danny Sorenson: Bald?
Andy: Romeo's a rage-a-holic, which means he's often pissed off, unlike the vast majority of us gliding along devil-may-care.
Det. John Kelly: How's the drying out going?
Andy: Helps when the first week's unconscious. Now I go two, three minutes where booze never crosses my mind.
Det. Bobby Simone: How you been feeling, Vince?
Det. Vince Gotelli: I told you. I have generalized coronary artery disease, abnormal in the thallium stress test, and now I'm having difficult urinating.
Andy: Coronary system failing, urinary system failing. Now he's at the stage, you ask him how he's feeling, he tells you.
Det. Danny Sorenson: That's just what I wanted tonight - just keepin' company with you.
Andy: That was positive, wasn't it?"Our pleasure"?
Det. John Kelly: Fair.
Andy: What should I have said?"Our pleasure, rooty-toot-toot"?
Det. Bobby Simone: We got the weapon from your apartment there, Rick.
Andy: Always a right move tossing the piece, Rick, though at the time it may seem wasteful.
Det. Danny Sorenson: My father died when I was like six years old. My mother, she couldn't take care of me and my sisters so she send us over here to live with her sister. I was born in Norway, but over here we lived in Albany. So, was I like your first Norwegian screw?
Officer Mary Franco: Not even close.
Lt. Arthur Fancy: Keep me posted.
Andy: Any cases you don't want us to keep you posted on? What's the point in saying that?
Lt. Arthur Fancy: OK, then, get outta my office.
Det. Greg Medavoy: Don't you keep a daily log or something?
Bus Dispatcher: Daily log. What do I look like, Captain Kirk?
Det. Greg Medavoy: You pay a toll for ongoing uncertainty.
Det. Bobby Simone: You were pushing it, now you're under arrest. You're a collar, you understand that?
Richard Manzak: You guys are fags, right? You're fags from some women's group.
Andy: That don't make us bad people.
Andy: How many times you want to get hit?
Ted: You know, the last time you hit me I jumped up and sat on my own testicle.
