Quotes from Luke Wilson movies and TV shows

Adam Shipley: He was wracked with confusion. For the first time in his life, he understood the true meaning of the expressions "horns of a dilemma" and "between a rock and a hard place" - although the concept of "paying through the nose" had always tormented him. How does the money get in the nose in the first place? Once in, is it pulled out by hand, or is a sneeze involved? And who would accept such a transaction? Burning questions all, but he had bigger fish to fry.

Alex Sheldon: I'm just a writer, Emma. I don't know what to do to show you how much I love you. I only have words. That's all I have.

Miles Logan: Yo tengo el gato los pantalones.
Carlson: You just said you have a cat in your pants.

Ben Stone: I'd want a little black baby.
Everett Stone: You already have a little black baby.
Ben Stone: Can ya dig it.

Sybil Stone: Are those mushrooms?
Meredith Morton: Yes, those are mushrooms.
Patrick Thomas: Isn't Everett allergic to mushrooms?
Meredith Morton: He is?
Ben Stone: OK, what we got going on over here? Santa's workshop. Er... OK, wha-what can I do to be of service Meredith, wha-what can I do?
Meredith Morton: Oh, well... I think I'm all set. Everett had to run some errands in town, then he and Thad are going to meet Julie's bus.
Ben Stone: Are those mushrooms?
Meredith Morton: I didn't know.

Ben Stone: You were shovelling snow.
Meredith Morton: I... What?
Ben Stone: You were just a little girl in a flannel night gown. And you were shovelling snow from the walk in front of our house. And I was the snow, I was the snow. And everywhere it landed and everywhere it covered. You scoop me up with a big red shovel. You scoop me up.

Matt Saunders: Hannah.
Vaughn Haige: Oh, man, I think she's dead. Time to start the grieving process.

Matt Saunders: You're that Bedlam guy.
Professor Bedlam: Professor Bedlam.
Matt Saunders: The super villain.
Professor Bedlam: Please, I am not super. I am not a villain. I'm just a regular man like yourself with a thousand times more money, intelligence and taste.

Jenny Johnson: I gotta go to the bathroom.
Matt Saunders: You didn't just go to the bathroom?
Jenny Johnson: Are you keeping track? That's kind of creepy.

Mitch: Wow. Cheese. Is that you?
Dean Pritchard: Hello, Mitch. Bernard. I see you guys haven't changed much.
Beanie: Who's this guy?
Mitch: Beanie, you remember Cheese, Rodney's kid brother?
Dean Pritchard: Actually, my name's not Cheese anymore. It's Gordon Pritchard.
Beanie: Oh, yeah. Cheeeeeese. Yeah, didn't we lock you in a dumpster one time?
Dean Pritchard: Yea, I got out.
Beanie: Cool man. Good. Glad you did.

Frank: A little housewarming gift.
Mitch: I actually gave this to you for your wedding.
Frank: This model?
Mitch: That exact one.

Nicole: I heard one of your pledges died. Is that true?
Mitch: Well, yes, but Blue was really old. And I feel pretty confident when we get the autopsy back it'll say natural causes.

Gang Bang Guy: Hello.
Mitch: Yeah?
Gang Bang Guy: I'm here for the gangbang.

Beanie: Girls love a guy who's in your situation.
Mitch: What situation?
Beanie: Mitch. You're on the rebound. You're like an injured young fawn who's been nursed back to health and is finally going to be released back into the wilderness.

Mitch: I wasn't looking for a girl like that.
Beanie: Well, Columbus wasn't looking for America, my man, but that turned out to be pretty okay for everyone.

Mitch: So what are you? Campus security?
Dean Pritchard: Try again.
Beanie: Jevohah Witness?
Dean Pritchard: I'm the Dean. Dean Pritchard.