Quotes from Jim Carrey movies and TV shows - page 7 of 7

Walter Sparrow: I'd like two words on my tombstone: what if.

Walter Sparrow: I once read that the only philosophical question that matters, is whether or not to commit suicide... I guess that makes me a philosopher.

Mark Kendall: Oh, Robin, please?
Robin Pierce: Mark, we've been through this sex thing a million times.
Mark Kendall: Half way through it a million times. It's what people do when they're in love! It's natural. It's right.
Robin Pierce: Well it's not natural or right for me to do it in a car.
Mark Kendall: What about an ice cream truck?

Mark Kendall: I don't want to be a vampire. I'm a day person.

Robin Pierce: Ow. You bit my lip.
Mark Kendall: I did?
Robin Pierce: Yeah.
Mark Kendall: Well you shouldn't be so sweet.

Mark Kendall: Are you a prostitute?
Countess: I'm whatever you want me to be.
Mark Kendall: Good! 'Cause I only have five dollars.

Mark Kendall: What was that scene in the shower all about?
Russ: That's the thanks I get for trying to help out a friend?
Mark Kendall: Oh you're a big help, thanks a lot. Did it ever occur to you guys that maybe you could've asked me?
Jamie: Oh my God.
Russ: She told us to look.
Jamie: I knew it! I knew it, we enjoyed it.
Russ: Would you shut up? Just shut up.
Jamie: No that's it! We're homos! We're rump-rangers.

Dr. Ivo Robotnik: I was spitting out formulas, when you were spitting up formulas.
Tom Wachowski: I was breastfed, actually.
Dr. Ivo Robotnik: Nice, rub that in my orphan face. (00:30:15)

Dr. Ivo Robotnik: Eeny, meeny, miny... mayhem! (00:54:01)

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Dr. Ivo Robotnik: I'm sorry, Mister...
Tom Wachowski: Wachowski. But everyone calls me Tom. Except my dentist, he calls me Tim. But it's gone on for so long that it would just be weird if I corrected him. (00:28:49)

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Dr. Ivo Robotnik: You know what's hard about being the smartest person in the world?
Agent Stone: Everyone else seems stupid.
Dr. Ivo Robotnik: Stupid, yes! Way to go! you got that one. (00:34:23)

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Truman Burbank: Good morning! And in case I don't see you, good afternoon, good evening, and good night!

Carl Allen: I do want to take guitar lessons. I do want to learn how to fly. Yes, I would like to learn Korean.

Allison: Are you stalking me?
Carl Allen: No, I would never do that. Oh by the way, the new furniture looks great from the yard.

Carl Allen: Hey Carl... You wanna give your money away to some homeless guy? Yes, yes I do. How 'bout letting him use up the phone battery so that you can't get help when your car runs out of gas? You know what? That sounds like a fuckin' great idea!

Tweed: Can you explain why you were at the airport buying a ticket with no luggage?
Carl Allen: You know it was a spur of the moment trip.
Tweed: Yeah I was just explaining to my partner here how much I've always wanted to see Lincoln, Nebraska.

Terrence Bundley: What was that you said?
Carl Allen: No.
[Terrence hits him with his mic.]
Carl Allen: Yes?

Terrence Bundley: Life. Everyone is living it. Or are we?
Carl Allen: Whoa. Heavy stuff.