Quotes from Christopher McDonald movies and TV shows

Lieutenant Meyerson: Max, you obviously got me confused with someone who gives a rat's ass.

Wilson Croft: What happened between us, Phil?
Professor Philip 'Phil' Brainard: Well, I just got tired of you stealing my ideas, Wilson.

Wilson Croft: I'm not an innovator like you, Phil. I'm an adapter, and to that end, I have profited from your ideas.
Professor Philip 'Phil' Brainard: Why are you here?
Wilson Croft: Well, to be honest. I'm here this weekend to steal your fiancee. And make her my wife.
Professor Philip 'Phil' Brainard: Well, I think you'll be sadly disappointed.

Shooter McGavin: I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast.
Happy Gilmore: You eat pieces of shit for breakfast?

Shooter McGavin: Stay out of my way, or you'll pay. Listen to what I say.
Happy Gilmore: Yeah, why don't I go eat some hay. I can make things out of clay, or lay by the bay, I just may. Whaddya say?

Mr. Larson: That's two thus far, Shooter.
Shooter McGavin: Oh, you can count. Good for you.
Mr. Larson: And you can count on me waiting for you in the parking lot.

Ward Cleaver: June, you're vacuuming in pearls. You know what that does to me.

Lou Landers: Thanksgiving is a time for family. Lance is the only family I have. I never married.
Jill Johnson: [Offering him fruitcake.] Fruitcake?
Lou Landers: No, I just haven't found the right woman.