Quotes from Chris Farley movies and TV shows

Haru: Holy Shinto.

Bishop73

Mike: I'm just dandy, I got a bowl of chocolate pudding in my underpants.
Steve: We didn't have any pudding in there buddy.

Mike: What the hell was that?
Steve: A chunk in the road or something.
Mike: I just chunked in my pants.

Mike: We've all been screwed by Governor Tracy, and now, I'm going to screw her.

Mike: Horse shit.

Mike: And so he says, "Rectum? Damn near killed'em!"

Steve Dodds: Are you or are you not the black angel of death?
Mike Donnelly: Without question.
Steve: Don't agree with me. It just pisses me off more.

Bishop73

Mike Donnelly: How ya doing, buddy? Transporting a prisoner. 12th precinct up in Buckley Town. My sergeant didn't give me any overtime, so I'm trying to do it lickety-split.
Motorcycle Cop: Tell me, officer, do you have any idea how fast you were going?
Mike: Well. I got a 426 hemi in her, 3/4 cams, nitro boosters. I can get her up to as good as 155. Never do though of course, unless I'm chasing a cute chick in a Ferrari. Hahahahaha. I guess I was going about 65, tops.
Motorcycle Cop: Seven! Seven miles an hour! And normally when I stop people they pull onto the shoulder.

Bishop73

Mike Donnelly: [On the phone] Every guy's got his dream, am I right? Between you, me, and the wall here, I had a doozy of one myself last night. Get this. A corn-fed harvest mouse, a hooker, a nun, a Flemish peasant woman, whips, chains, whistles, yo-yos, a circus midget, my grandmother riding by on a bicycle giving me the finger, and a duck. Now, I don't know. Are you crying? Oh, my lord. I am sorry, honey. Please don't cry, could you get your daddy on the phone?

Bishop73

Tommy: You know a lot of people go to college for seven years.
Richard: I know. They're called doctors.

Tommy: Does this suit make me look fat?
Richard: No, your face does.

Cubs Fan ★

Tommy: But the Callahan factory has been in my family for seventy years. You can't just shut it down.
Ray Zalinsky: Son, you got to look at it from my point of view. Callahan's a premium name. That's what I'm buying. I can make the parts in one of my factories, put them in a Callahan box, and sell them in my stores at a premium price. Why keep your factory going when all I want's the god damn box?

Cubs Fan ★

Tommy: Boy, this is the worst. My so-called family deserts me. Michelle's mad at me. I've lost the factory, the town's going under, and I'm out of a job. [The bench he's sitting on collapses.] Could've done without that.

Cubs Fan ★