Danny: I haven't even told my father I'm not going to get that scholarship. I'm gonna end up working in a lumberyard the rest of my life.
Ty Webb: What's wrong with lumber. I own two lumberyards.
Danny: I notice you don't spend too much time there.
Ty Webb: I'm not quite sure where they are.
Quotes from Chevy Chase movies and TV shows
Danny Noonan: I gotta go to college.
Ty Webb: You don't have to go to college. This isn't Russia. Is this Russia? This isn't Russia.
Ty Webb: A flute without holes is not a flute. A doughnut without holes is a danish.
More Caddyshack quotes
Pierce Hawthorne: Why would I sexually harass someone who turns me on?
Annie Edison: Let's get back to Britta and Jeff.
Jeff Winger: There is no Britta and Jeff!
Pierce Hawthorne: He said, fully erect.
Lt. Jake Stone: You arrested a waiter?
Norman Robberson: Jake, he was rude.
Lt. Jake Stone: Norman, you can't arrest people for being rude. If you could, all of New York City would be on Death Row.
Tony Carlson: I think we got off on the wrong foot.
Gloria Mundy: Yes, and it seems to be in your mouth.
Tony Carlson: OK, I deserve that. Listen, it's Gloria, right? You're a really nice girl and I'm a nice guy, and you're very pretty with or without cleavage, and what do you say... would you like to take a shower?
Gloria Mundy: I don't pick up strange men.
Tony Carlson: Well, that's your problem.
Gloria Mundy: So why don't you try it?
Tony Carlson: Want a joint? You know what they say, cops have the best dope.
Tony Carlson: What do you say to a bottle of wine and a couple of steaks?
Gloria Mundy: Well, you could start by saying, "Hello."
Tony Carlson: Gloria, just sit back and enjoy the fire. I'm pouring you a nice, warm, albino martini. Here you go, drink this, then it's off to bed.
Gloria Mundy: You should have been a doctor.
Tony Carlson: Okay, we'll play whatever you like.
Elizabeth Farmer: I'm convinced that our marriage has been one of mutual betrayals. I know it! you know it! Even Yellow Dog knows it.
Andy Farmer: I know it and you know it. Yellow Dog doesn't even know what town he's in.
Andy Farmer: You don't know a thing about writing. You're a Goddamn schoolteacher.
Andy Farmer: Cue the deer.
Andy Farmer: We came to Redbud filled with hopes and dreams of a better life. And basically, we've seen those hopes and dreams crushed and battered before our very eyes.
Andy Farmer: I want a Goddamn refund.
Nick Halloway: Now you listen to me, you son of a bitch. I've lost everything but my soul, and you're not going to take that away from me.
Nick Halloway: I want my molecules back.
Darcy: Max, please, what is the matter with you lately? I was kidding.
Max Fielder: Look at my face. I can't go to dinner like this. Look.
Darcy: Your face looks fine.
Max Fielder: I'm not going. I'm staying up here.
Darcy: Max. Max, you promised me that you would try to relax and be close to me this weekend.
Max Fielder: You were only kidding?
Brian Stills: Are you still seeing things move?
Max Fielder: I'm making things move.
Brian Stills: Max, could you sit down? I have a crick in my neck.
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