Pat Finley: Who wants to tell us the lesson we learned here?
Roy: Don't put Twinkies on your pizza.
Tony Perkis: Attention campers. Lunch has been cancelled due to lack of hustle. Deal with it.
Tony Perkis: Attention campers the topic for tonight's discussion is, "Liposuction: Option or Obsession."
Tony Perkis: Only film the ones that are standing Kenneth.
Tony Perkis: Hey! Who wants to be on T.V. hhmm? That's Kenny the Camera Man, HEY there, kenny.
Tony Perkis: Kiss the ground, joker-boy.
Josh: Hey, would you get your foot off my back?
Tony Perkis: Shut up.
Lars: I'm feeling skinny Tony.
Lars: Huh very fat I see.
Lars: Congratulations, Mr. Simms. You are the fattest boy in camp.
Tony Perkis: Did you ever hear the story of Icarus, who continually rolled the ball up the hill? When he got too close, the ball melted in the heat of the Sun. You're all like Icarus.
Josh: The candy belongs to... Seymour Butts.
Tony Perkis: Seymour Butts? Seymour Butts? Who's Seymour Butts, hmm? Who's Seymour Butts?
Josh: Nobody's seen more butts than you, Uncle Tony.
MVP camper: Here take it... take it.
Tony Perkis: All you need is Mother Earth, Father Sky, and your dear old Uncle Tony.
Tony Perkis: First we're going to take an hour meditation break. Then we're going to climb that 1000-foot rock face over there with our bare hands and feet. I know you can do it, I have faith in you. But for now, observe the silence of the chi.
Tony Perkis: Come 'ere, you devil log.
Tony Perkis: Let me make something very clear: The PerkiSystem does not work with cheaters like Gerald Garner. OK? How can I sell an infomercial about fat kids who can't keep their piggy little snouts shut? Hmm? Who's gonna buy that, huh?
Pat Finley: Did you talk to child services?
Julie: Yeah, they said they'd like to come out and investigate but they can't come for two weeks.
Pat Finley: That's too long. Tim, what did your lawyer say?
Tim: He said it's dicey, we don't have any hard evidence.
Pat Finley: Hard evidence? Tony's hard evidence, just look at the guy.
Tim: It's what the lawyer said.
