Meg: Do you know something about machinery?
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: I don't know something about machinery, I know everything about machinery.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: I shall let that pass, since you cannot possibly know whose leg it is that you are pushing.
Reporter: Could you give us a statement please?
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Yes. Chocolate makes one very thirsty.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: There is a time to laugh and a time not to laugh, and this is not one of them.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: Yes, well, life is not all shoot-shoot, bang-bang, you know.
Lt. Lisa Morrel: Hey, what about the crooks?
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: The crooks never sleep and neither does Clouseau.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: My face! You've stolen my face! Give me back my face, you fiend!
Commissioner Sir Charles Braithwaite: You must trust no-one. The viper in our bosom could be anyone.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: I suspect everyone!
Commissioner Sir Charles Braithwaite: You will report only to me.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: And what makes you think I trust you?
