Felix O'neil: Difficult, yes. Impossible... probably yes but that's never stopped us before.
Ray Henderson: Listen, you! This is Northern Soul, not Northern Arsehole.
Todd White: Hey self, what is it, twenty five years in the future and I just know you are playing in the NBA now and are super rich. And you also have a super smoking hot cheerleader girlfriend, so what are you hanging around here for? Why don't you head up to your penthouse and bang her good, bro.
Trey: That's your time capsule message, Todd?
Todd White: Huh... why not?
Caeryn: We must hurry! This country is unsafe at night.
Dagen: At night? I can hardly imagine anything worse than this country during the day.
Erica Wexler: I'm so sorry about Beth, by the way. Your mom talked to my mom about it.
Zach Orfman: I used to really want her to come back.
Erica Wexler: Of course.
Zach Orfman: But things are really complicated between us, you know? Like kind of fucked up.
Erica Wexler: Right.
Zach Orfman: Now, I just kind of wish she would stay dead.
Jay Wheeler: Hey, don't you have somebody locked up in your basement that you need to go torture, or something like that?
Bryan Bontrager: Yeah, see those - all this talking you've been doing at your concerts? That's got to stop, OK? People are paying to hear you sing, not to hear you talk. Do you understand that? No, no, no. You're there to make fans, not enemies.
Rich Wayne Mullins: What can I say? That's what happens when you're honest with religious people.
John du Pont: I'm getting Dave. And I don't care how much it costs.
Chernov: When I was 19 years old I was the Number 1 Light Heavyweight champion in the Soviet Olympics Boxing Team. Did you know this?
Francis O'Connell: No, I don't like sports. Especially not Soviet sports.
Bernie: I wanna talk to you, man. All that stuff that I was sayin' to you about her potentially being Alison? I didn't mean it, man. I'm seeing a difference in you. I feel like it's because of her. I'm kind of like, jealous, a little bit? I'm really happy for you, Danny.
Danny: Really?
Bernie: Fuck no! This is stupid.
Old Monk: Would you like to come in?
Hector: Yes, please. 'Cause I might not be around next week.
Old Monk: The moment of death is indeed uncertain. Come in.
Alice Klieg: This morning I woke up and there was a pubic hair on my pillow shaped like a question mark. And it really got me thinking of unanswered questions, like all the times in my life when I was supposed to feel something but I felt nothing and all the other times in my life where I wasn't supposed to feel anything but I felt too much and the people around me weren't really ready for all of my feelings.
Prof. Edgar Solomon: A bear taking a dump asked a rabbit, "Does shit stick to your fur as a habit?" "Of course not," said the hare, "It's really quite rare," so the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit. There once was a lady named Dot who lived off pig shit and snot. When she ran out of these, she ate the green cheese... that she grew on the sides... of her twat.
Holden: Neither benign nor merciful.
Gordy McLeod: This morning I was thinking about Doug when he was Jess' age. I used to tickle him and he'd go, "No, no, no!" Then when I was finished, he'd go, "More, more, more, more!" Which sums up exactly how I feel about living.
Buster Matthews: Do you know why they call me Buster?
Beaser: 'Cause you're stupid enough to let them?