Turkish: We've lost gorgeous George
Brick top: Well where'd you lose him? He ain't a set of fucking car keys is he?
Miranda Frayle: I'm absolutely determined that the Countess of Marshwood shall be the longest, and greatest, role I ever played.
Felicity Marshwood: I do hope you won't find it too much of a strain.
Nigel: Mother.
Felicity Marshwood: I do know what I'm talking about. I've played it for years. I find it a good part, but technically rather exhausting.
Captain Victor Benezet: Go home. Put on a funny hat. Do whatever it is morons do.
Reverend Grissom: The devil's greatest achievement is that people don't believe he exists. Nowadays, the concept of evil is politically incorrect.
Dracula: Blood has always been the coin of our realm.
Max Kerkerian: Supercop scared of a little pooch? Son of a bitch.
Greg Weinstein: I hope this is better than the last batch of shit you gave me. Produced more wood than Ron Jeremy. I don't want you to yell, "Reco!" anymore. Know what you should yell?"Timber!" Yeah, Mr. Fuckin' wood. I hear you fuckin' makin' your calls. It's bullshit, all right? I mean if you want them off the phone so bad, why don't you just hang up? You should get them excited. You know, excited? They should beg for a broker on the first call.
Hector: You Sandro's kid too? How come I never heard about you?
Diana Guzman: I don't know. I'm his pride and joy.
Mickey: I've got a gun, Harv, and they let me use it when people piss me off.
Charlie: Are you asking me out?
Jody: Well yeah. Are you saying yes?
Charlie: I guess so. Yeah.
Narrator: And so rbtv changed its name from Really Bad Television to Rocky and Bullwinkle Television.
Bullwinkle: What's the difference?
Larry: You're lucky. You got Melanie. There are men who'd die for her.
Peter McGowan: Yeah, die for her, or have her kill you. Either way, you're dead.
Larry: Still having trouble satiating, are we?
Peter McGowan: I think the doorbell's heard my wife shout "I'm coming" more than I have these days.
Kelley: So that's it? You're just gonna die?
Sam: No. I'm going to live... just not as long as you.
Bree Davis: You see women all day, every day. How do they keep from just runnin' together?
Dr. Sullivan "Sully" Travis, "Dr. T": I think every single woman I've ever met has got somethin' special about her, somethin' that sets her apart from the rest.
Bree Davis: Well, if a gynecologist says there's no two alike, I guess there's no two alike.
President Kennedy: Well, who the hell authorized this missile test?
Robert Kennedy: Who do you think? God knows what this is gonna communicate to the Soviets.
Kenny O'Donnell: Communicate with the Soviets? We can't communicate with the Pentagon - and it's just across the goddamn river.
Cindy: Girls have to do everything. Boys are totally clueless when it comes to sex. It starts with them trying to unhook our bras, fumbling around, and it never changes. Wait until they try to put their dick into you.
Diana: Please don't say they need help with that.
Cindy: Always.
Larry: Remember I told you about my brother's car, the one that got in a wreck?
Russ: For the sake of expediency, I am going to say yes.
Reichsmarschall Hermann Wilhelm Göring: One German, a fine man. Two Germans, a party. Three Germans, a war. One Englishman, an idiot. Two Englishmen, a club. Three Englishmen, an Empire.