Bonnie: He's not afraid of losing. He's afraid of losing your love. How many ball players grow up afraid of losing their fathers' love every time they come up to the plate?
Fred: All of them.
Bonnie: He knows you disapprove of him. He knows you think he's weak. But he's not weak. He's decent. And if you or Bruce or anyone else tries to beat that out of him, I swear to God I'll take him away.
Michael Chapman: I turned Angela from a pickpocket into a star into a shoplifter.
Hope Burnford: Hungry?
Sassy: No.
Hope Burnford: But it's shrimp. You like shrimp.
Sassy: Yeah, well, I've still got those four pesky ounces still hanging on from last Christmas.
Doug Ireland: Nothing's impossible Albert. Impossible just takes a couple extra phone calls.
[Addressing a roomful of Japanese businessmen.]
President Benson: It seems like only yesterday I was strafing so many of your homes. Yet here I am today, begging you not to make such good cars.
Athletic Cone: I have learned much from watching the Garthok battle. It has weaknesses. I believe I can take it.
Beldar Conehead: Uh-huh. And let me know when Elvis gets here.
Walker: Let me question her about your son. Then you can roast her, toast her, chop her into tiny little pieces and feed her to the birds.
Lord Norinaga: No. I want her to suffer. (00:17:10)
Sister Mary Robert: The only thing the chef knows how to cook is German sausage.
Sister Mary Lazarus: Day after day, liverwurst, bratwurst, beerwurst.
Sister Mary Patrick: It's the "worst."
Cyclops: You starin' at my eye?
All: No.no...
Cyclops: A Union Army Soldier did this to me in the big one. Any you boys fight for the Union Army?
Miller: Shucks no.
Bell: Shucky dang darn...
Cyclops: So you the boys been killin' all my sheepies with them traps...
Noon: Naw... We just now gots here...
Cyclops: Where you from?
Humphrey: Nashville.
Cyclops: Well, heck, it's good to see some southern boys. It's been a while. [Singing.] Well I wish I was in the land of cotton, old times there are not forgotten, look away, look away, look away... [waits for others to finish.]
Humphrey:... You stupid Yank.
Cyclops: You ain't southern boys!
All: AAAAHHHHH!
Regina: If you want your dog back, call my lawyer.
Kay Curley: It's a terrible shock.
Dessie Curley: What is?
Kay Curley: Being married for 25 years, and finding out your husband's a prick.
Larry Lipton: Claustrophobia and a dead body - this is a neurotic's jackpot.
Nancy Archer: Missed me?
Harry Archer: I don't suppose you want to hear my side of this?
Joon: Don't underestimate the mentally ill. We know how to count.
James Wright: How many Beatles are there?
Kyle Davidson: Three... and Ringo.
Mikey Ubriacco: I don't wanna brush my teeth. I brushed them last Saturday.
James: I know, but you're gonna have plants growing out of your mouth.
Laura Jackson: What a stupid idiot.
Jed Clampett: Did you say something, ma'am?
Laura Jackson: What a stupendous intellect.
Jethro: That's cause I "grad-ge-ated" the sixth grade, ma'am. Only took three years.
Cliff Murdoch: I just figured out why the Cubs lose every year. They've got more talent in the stands than they do in the field.