Floyd: You can be the smartest man in the world - and for all I know, you are - but you will never understand women.
Sarah Walker: Come any closer, I shoot.
John Casey: You shoot him, I shoot you, I leave both your bodies here and go out for a late night snack. I'm thinking maybe pancakes.
Bobby Cobb: I'm bad at sex. There's a lot of thrashing and thumping, but nothing really gets done. I'm like a broken dishwasher.
Ann Romano Royer: That Was BVD.
Ed Cooper, Julie's and Barbara's Father: BVD?
Ann Romano Royer: Before Vicky, Darling.
Ralph Hinkley: Bill, I've got an idea.
Bill Maxwell: Good, put it to me in a letter, I'll try to get back to you by the end of the month.
Vicar: Captain Mainwaring, this whole affair is not well organised at all, they all started eating as soon as their plates arrived.
Mainwaring: Of course, otherwise it would go cold.
Vicar: But it's not right, Before I even said for what we are about to receive half of them had already received it.
Christmas Special 1974 (a.k.a. A Perfect Christmas) - S8-E7
Harold: You're so xenophobic.
Albert: No I'm not, I just don't like foreigners.
Squiggy: I woulda worn my tuxedo but my polo pony ate it.
No, This Is Not Based Entirely on Julie's Life - S2-E1
[Lisa walks into Dave's office].
Lisa: Have you ever taken naked pictures of yourself?
Dave: Mom, I am going to have to call you back.
Alan Decker: It's okay. I'm used to the callous attitude mortals have towards vampires. I'm used to wandering the earth - reviled, hunted, hated. That's why I became a lawyer.
Michael Westen: You say tomato, I say pimp.
Christopher Titus: Cain slew Abel... oh, happy, happy Cain.
Jed Clampett: Boy, I'm gonna give you 24 hours to clean up all this mess.
Jethro: Aw come on, Uncle Jed. I'm gonna clean up. I'm gonna set this world on fire.
Jed Clampett: You're gonna clean up all right. Everything. Or you're gonna end up with the seat of your britches on fire.
Larry: Now behave yourself Darryl. There are only three ways to get a baby. By a woman, by adopting, or by a star in the east.
Alice Whipple: Harry, how long are we going to be here?
Harry Whipple: As long as it takes.
Alice Whipple: Well, I've got to get to the beauty parlor.
Harry Whipple: You're telling me.
Mama Payne: Yo' applehead stole my boy.
Rev. Love: If I was still living that foul life, I'll get Franklins, but I'm not.