The One With The Nap Partners (series 7)

Rachel: Hi! I just want to apologize. I'm really sorry I was a baby.

Phoebe: That's ridiculous Rachel, we were all babies once.

The One Where Old Yeller Dies (series 2)

Monica: All right, I've got a leg, 3 breasts and a wing.

Chandler: How do you find clothes that fit?

The Last One (1) (series 10)

Phoebe: And then we can teach them to sing and we'll be like the Von Trapp family. Although without the Nazis - no, that sounds kinda dull.

The One with the Monkey (series 1)

Ross: His name's Marcel. My friend Bethel rescued him from a lab.

Phoebe: That is so cruel! Why? Why would a parent want to name their child Bethel?

The One With the Holiday Armadillo (series 7)

Ben: Are you for Hanukkah, too? Because I'm part Jewish!

Ross: [Dressed as the "Holiday Armadillo"] You are? Me too!

Monica: Because... armadillos also wandered in the desert?

Ross: You wanna wander in the hall?

The One Where Rosita Dies (series 7)

Joey: What are you doing?

Rachel: Well, I was thinking of moving the couch over here.

Joey: Why would you wanna do that?

Rachel: So that there would be a decent place for me to sit.

Joey: Rach, there is a decent pla...

Rachel: And your lap does not count.

The One With The Tea Leaves (series 8)

Mona: Ross! What are you doing?

Ross: Not touching myself, if that makes anyone less uncomfortable.

The One Where Heckles Dies (series 2)

Rachel: Hey, Chandler. Monica just broke my seashell lamp.

Chandler: Neat. I'm gonna die alone!

Rachel: Okay, you win.

The One With The Jam (series 3)

Chandler: You have to stop the Q-Tip when there's resistance!

Across whole show

Chandler: Sometimes I wish I were a lesbian.

[Everyone stares at him.]

Chandler: Did I just say that out loud?

The One With The Video Tape (series 8)

Ross: Do you have a minute? I'd like to talk to you about something I'm really uncomfortable talking about.

Joey: Sure. How about uh, you showering with your mom?

Ross: I actually had a topic in mind!

The One with All the Poker (series 1)

Ross: Rach, did you proofread these?

Rachel: Uh. yeah, why?

Ross: Uh, nothing, I'm sure they'll be impressed with your excellent compuper skills.

Rachel: Oh my God. Oh, do you think it's on all of them?

Joey: Oh no. I'm sure the Xerox machine caught a few.

Rachel: Can you believe what a jerk Ross was being?

Monica: Yeah, I know. He can get really competitive.

Phoebe: Ha, haha.

Monica: What?

Phoebe: Oh, hello, kettle? This is Monica. You're black.

The One with George Stephanopoulos (series 1)

Monica: Hey Joey, what would you do if you were omnipotent?

Joey: Probably kill myself.

Monica: Excuse me?

Joey: Hey, if little Joey's dead then I've got no reason to live.

Ross: Joey, OM-nipotent.

Joey: You are? Oh Ross, I'm sorry.

The One With Ross's Teeth (series 6)

Monica: What happened to your teeth?

Ross: I whitened them.

Chandler: Really?

Ross: Yeah, what... what do you think?

Monica: Well, uh, I think I shouldn't look directly at them.

Ross: Come on, seriously.

Monica: Ross, they're really, really, really white!

Chandler: Yeah, what was wrong with your old... human teeth?

Ross: Well, I did leave the gel on a little longer than it said to.

Monica: How much longer?

Ross: Uh, uh.... a day.

Monica: Ross, you know that tonight is your date with Hillary?

Ross: I know! That's why I did it! Come on, are they really that bad?

Chandler: No. No, no, no, you'll be fine. Hilary's blind, right?

Monica: She will be after tonight.

The One With The Girl From Poughkeepsie (series 4)

Rachel: No accountants. Oh, and no one from, like, "legal." I don't like guys with boring jobs.

Chandler: Oh, and Ross was like what, a lion tamer?

The One With Chandler In A Box (series 4)

Monica: Fine, judge all you want to, but [to Ross] married a lesbian, [to Rachel] left a man at the altar, [to Phoebe] fell in love with a gay ice dancer, [to Joey] threw a girl's wooden leg in a fire, [to Chandler] LIVE IN A BOX!

The One After the Superbowl, part 2 (series 2)

Chandler: Stick a fork in me, I'm done.

Phoebe: Stick a fork what?

Chandler: You know, like when you're cooking a steak.

Phoebe: Oh, I don't eat meat.

Chandler: Well how do you tell when vegetables are done?

Phoebe: Well you just, you know, you eat them and you can tell.

Chandler: Okay, then eat me, I'm done.

The One With The Prom Video (series 2)

[After Chandler's just mocked Monica for being fat in an old home movie.]

Monica: Shut up, the camera adds 10 pounds!

Chandler: So how many cameras are actually on you?

The One with All the Poker (series 1)

Rachel: You guys, guess what guess what guess what?

Chandler: What, the fifth dentist caved and now they're all recommending trident?