Ron Livingston (back to the R list / L list)

[Discussing going to prison.]

Peter Gibbons: The most they would do is put us for a few months into a white-collar, minimum-security resort. You know, they have conjugal visits there?

Samir: They do?

Michael Bolton: Shit. I'm a free man and I haven't had a conjugal visit in six months.

Michael Bolton: You haven't even been showing up for work, and you got to keep your job.

Peter Gibbons: Actually, I'm being promoted.

Peter Gibbons: So I was sitting in my cubicle today, and I realized, ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that's on the worst day of my life.

Dr. Swanson: What about today? Is today the worst day of your life?

Peter Gibbons: Yeah.

Dr. Swanson: Wow, that's messed up.

Bob Slydell: You see, what we're trying to do is get a feeling for how people spend their time at work so if you would, would you walk us through a typical day, for you?

Peter Gibbons: Yeah.

Bob Slydell: Great.

Peter Gibbons: Well, I generally come in at least fifteen minutes late, ah, I use the side door - that way Lumbergh can't see me, heh - after that I sorta space out for an hour.

Bob Porter: Da-uh? Space out?

Peter Gibbons: Yeah, I just stare at my desk, but it looks like I'm working. I do that for probably another hour after lunch too, I'd say in a given week I probably only do about fifteen minutes of real, actual, work.

Peter Gibbons: Before we go any further, all right, we have to swear to God, Allah, that nobody knows about this, all right? No family members, no girlfriends, nobody.

Samir: Of course.

Michael Bolton: Agreed

Lawrence: [Through the wall from the next door apartment] Don't worry man. I won't tell anyone about this either.

Michael Bolton: Who the fuck is that?

Peter Gibbons: Uh, don't worry about him. He's cool.