Quotes from Woody Allen movies and TV shows - page 2 of 8

Alvy Singer: Love is too weak a word for what I feel - I luuurve you, you know, I loave you, I luff you, two F's, yes I have to invent, of course I - I do, don't you think I do?

Alvy Singer: Honey, there's a spider in your bathroom the size of a Buick.

Alvy Singer: You know, I don't think I could take a mellow evening because I - I don't respond well to mellow. You know what I mean? I have a tendency to - if I get too mellow, I - I ripen and then rot, you know.

Z: Let's be real about this. Bala and I... Bala is a princess, and I'm a soil relocation engineer.

Z: I guess you prefer old Blood and Guts, huh? His idea of a romantic date is two seats at a public execution. Boy, you sure chose the right husband.
Bala: For your information, the general and I are deeply, deeply in... in... engaged.

Z: Let me ask you something - what made you come to the bar that night?
Bala: I guess I was looking for a little trouble.
Z: Well, trouble's my middle name. Actually, my middle name is Marion, but I don't want you spreading that around.

Weaver: What are you bitching about? in case you haven't noticed, we ants are running the show. We're the Lords of the Earth.
Z: Hey, don't talk to me about earth, okay, because I just spent all day hauling it around.

Z: This is just a lawsuit waiting to happen.

Princess Bala: I sure hope you know what you're doing.
Z: Yeah, me too.

Z: Will you calm down? You're not going to let a little near-death experience ruin your mood, are you?

General Mandible: You're an ant after my own heart, an ant who looks death in the face and laughs.
Z: Actually, I generally just make belittling comments and snicker behind death's back.

Bala: Z, I've gotta help my Mom.
Z: Don't worry, I know almost exactly what I'm doing.

Z: Wow, every worker in the colony is here. Hey, wait a minute. That guy owes me money.

Z: Yes, yes, I understand. I dropped the ball.

Weaver: Don't you want your aphid beer?
Z: Call me crazy, but I have a thing about drinking from the anus of another creature.

Bala: I've been kidnapped by the village idiot.
Z: Who's the bigger idiot? The idiot, or the idiot who gets kidnapped by the idiot?

Z: Who the hell is that?

David Dobel: Let me tell you, Falk. We live in perilous times. You got to keep alert for these things. You don't want your life to wind up as black-and-white newsreel footage scored by a cello in a minor key.

David Dobel: You think quantum physics has the answer? I mean, you know, what purpose does it serve for me that time and space are exactly the same thing? I mean I ask a guy what time it is, he tells me 6 miles? What the hell is that?

David Dobel: The thing I'm going to miss the most is the kids. The kids are, are wonderful kids and they're bright, you know. You should see the creative ways they smuggle weapons past the metal detectors, it's amazing.