Quotes from Ryan Reynolds movies and TV shows

One: I feel like a Jedi.

One: I said undercover, not coked up Borg and McEnroe.

George: Houses don't kill people. People kill people.

George: We're friends. We're having fun, right?

Hannibal King: She's dowloading playlists. You know, rap hip hop, what the kids are into nowadays. Me? I'm more of a David Hasselhoff fan.

Hannibal King: Welcome to the honeycomb hideout.
Blade: How do you bank roll this operation?
Hannibal King: I date a lot of older men.

Paul Conroy: I need one million dollars by nine o'clock tonight or I'll be left to die in this coffin!

Frank Allen: You caught me reminiscing. A lot of memories here. Buy you a drink?
Ed: Oh, I'd love to Frank, but uh... I'm kind of... I'm... I'm in a bit of a rush.
Frank Allen: I insist. After all, it is the traditional function of the father of the bride.
Ed: What is?
Frank Allen: Keeping the groom away from back exits.

Guy: I call them shoes.
Eep: I LOVE them! Where are my feet?
Guy: Don't worry! They're still there.

Guy: Tomorrow doesn't have to be a place. It's a person. It's you, Eep. You are my tomorrow.

Guy: The sleep pile reeks, Eep.
Grug: Reeks of love.

Wade Wilson: I had another Liam Neeson nightmare. I kidnapped his daughter and he just wasn't having it. They made three of those movies. At some point you have to wonder if he's just a bad parent.

Deadpool: From the studio that inexplicably sewed his fucking mouth shut the first time comes five-time Academy Award viewer, Ryan Reynolds in an eHarmony date with destiny. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you... Me! Deadpool.

Blind Al: Looks aren't everything.
Deadpool: Looks ARE everything! Ever heard Dave Beckham speak? It's like he mouth-sexed a can of helium. You think Ryan Reynolds got this far on a superior acting method?
Blind Al: Love is blind, Wade.
Wade Wilson: No, you're blind.

Colossus: You will come talk with professor Xavier.
Deadpool: McAvoy or Stewart? These timelines can get so confusing.

Wade Wilson: Here's what I'm actually gonna do? I'm gonna work through his crew until somebody gives up Francis, force him to fix this, and then put a bullet in his skull and fuck the brain hole.
Weasel: I don't want to see that or think of it again. But the douchebag does think you're dead, right?
Wade Wilson: Yeah.
Weasel: That's good. You should keep it that way.
Wade Wilson: What, like, wear a mask?
Weasel: Yes. A very thick mask. All the time. I am sorry... You are haunting. Your face is the stuff of nightmares.
Wade Wilson: Like a testicle with teeth.
Weasel: You will die alone. I mean, if you could die. Ideally, for others' sake.

Recruiter: What if I told you we can make you better? You're a fighter. We can give you abilities most men only dream of. Make you a superhero.
Wade Wilson: Just promise me you'll do right by me, so I can do right by someone else. And don't make the suit green. Or animated.

Deadpool: Time to make the chimi-fucking-changas.

Deadpool: It reeks like old lady pants in here.
Blind Al: Sounds like you have a dick in your mouth.

Deadpool: It's me, Deadpool, and I got an offer that you can't refuse. I'm gonna wait out here, okay? It's a big house. It's funny that I only ever see two of you. It's almost like the studio couldn't afford another X-Man.