Joan Hudson: I want to call my lawyer.
Lt. Columbo: Dr. Flemming murders his wife and you want to call your lawyer?
Lt. Columbo: There must be something wrong with me. I seem to bother people, to make them nervous.
Dr. Ray Flemming: Are you sure of everything? Shall I do it over again?
Joan Hudson: No, I don't want to talk about it anymore.
Dr. Ray Flemming: Ah, but it will be fine, I promise you. Just pretend you're working on a role, right down to the props.
Dr. Ray Flemming: They expect me to be on call at all hours.
Lt. Columbo: Same with me, Doctor.
Lt. Columbo: I think I'm too suspicious. I don't trust people, that's my trouble.
Dr. Ray Flemming: People don't always do the rational thing.
Lt. Columbo: Oh, they sure don't! You learn a lot about that in my line. Well, I guess you do in yours too.
Lt. Columbo: There's just one more thing, sir.
Dr. Ray Flemming: Lieutenant, if there's any further way I can be of assistance to you.
Lt. Columbo: Oh, no, no, no, you just make out that list, that'll be fine, Doc.
Dr. Ray Flemming: Thank you.
Lt. Columbo: Oh, oh, one more thing, before I forget.
Lt. Columbo: You know my sister, she has a living room that's very, very modern. But the minute you sit down in it, you can't open your mouth. You know, she's got this big kidney-shaped coffee table, it upsets me just to look at it. Her husband doesn't say anything and I figure the coffee table got to him years ago.
Lt. Columbo: I was wondering, Doctor, would you take me on as a patient?
Dr. Ray Flemming: Take you on as a what?
Lt. Columbo: No, I mean it. Maybe you can help me. I don't know, There must be something wrong with me. I seem to bother people. I seem to make them nervous. Maybe you can tell me why.
Dr. Ray Flemming: I didn't think you'd be up.
Carol Flemming: Don't bother to undress. You're sleeping in the guest room. I've turned down the bed.
Dr. Ray Flemming: Carol.
Carol Flemming: I think you should know I'm calling my lawyers in the morning.
Dr. Ray Flemming: It's been a long day. Do we have to start on that again?
Carol Flemming: You'll have to indulge me just this one last time, dearie. It's lucky for you I'm too well-bred to throw a tantrum.
Dr. Ray Flemming: All right. Fire away.
Dr. Ray Flemming: Lieutenant, for the past week, you've been asking me some rather pointless questions, and I am getting very tired of them.
Dr. Ray Flemming: With all that experience, you jumped to the wrong conclusion.
Lt. Columbo: What do you mean?
Dr. Ray Flemming: I didn't kill my wife.
Lt. Columbo: I never said that you did.
Dr. Ray Flemming: Oh, that's true. Imply. "Imply" is more the word. But if I killed my wife - and I did say "if" - you're never going to be able to prove it.
