Gilbert: Every theatrical performance is a contrivance by its very nature.
Sullivan: Yes, but this piece consists entirely of an artificial and implausible situation.
Gilbert: If you wish to write a Grand Opera about a prostitute, dying of consumption in a garret, I suggest you contact Mr Ibsen in Oslo. I am sure he will be able to furnish you with something suitably dull.
Richard D'Oyly Carte: Well, I don't know about you, but speaking for myself, I could murder a pork chop.
Gilbert's Father: A father should not have to seek permission to visit his own son.
Gilbert: The son shouldn't be expected to be clairvoyant.
John D'Auban, Choregrapher: I haven't laughed so much since my tights caught fire in "Harlequin Meets Itchity Witch and the Snitch."
Fanny Ronalds: Lady Colin is irresistible. She cannot conceive why the Irish are starving when there's lots of good fish in the sea.
Sullivan: She most probably has a point.
Fanny Ronalds: Oh, there's good news from Dublin.
Sullivan: Mm?
Fanny Ronalds: The Churchills are to return to London.
Sullivan: Forgiven, but not forgotten.
Fanny Ronalds: I do hope so. Jenny says Winston is eleven, covered in freckles, and has a total disdain for authority.
Gilbert: A terrible thing has just happened, Grossmith. You've become a cockney.
Gilbert: I don't quite know how to take praise. It makes my eye red.
Gilbert: Madam, I had rather spend an afternoon in a Turkish bath with my mother than visit the dratted dentist.
Gilbert: Can we do that line again please, Barrington, and this time try it in English.
Gilbert: I'm sure we shall reap the benefits of your remonstrations in the fullness of time.
