Janis: Regina George... How do I begin to explain Regina George?

Emma Gerber: Regina George is flawless.

Mathlete Tim Pak: I hear her hair's insured for $10,000.

Amber D'Alessio: I hear she does car commercials... in Japan.

Kristen Hadley: Her favorite movie is Varsity Blues.

Short Girl: One time she met John Stamos on a plane...

Jessica Lopez: - And he told her she was pretty.

Bethany Byrd: One time she punched me in the face... it was awesome.

Karen: You know who's looking fine tonight? Seth Mosakowski.

Gretchen: Okay, you did not just say that.

Karen: What? He's a good kisser.

Gretchen: He's your cousin.

Karen: Yeah, but he's my first cousin.

Gretchen: Right.

Karen: So, you have your cousins, and then you have your first cousins, and then you have your second cousins...

Gretchen: No, honey, uh-uh.

Karen: That's not right, is it?

Gretchen: That is so not right.

Gretchen: That is so fetch!

Regina: Gretchen, stop trying to make fetch happen! It's not going to happen!

Shane Oman: Why are you eating a Kalteen bar?

Regina: I'm starving.

Shane Oman: Man, I hate those things. Coach Carr makes us eat those when we want to move up a weight class.

Regina: What?

Shane Oman: They make you gain weight like crazy.

Regina: Motherf...[spits out bar and screams].

Cady: Regina said she'll talk to Aaron. And now she is. How can Janis hate her? She's such a good... SLUT!

Regina: Ma'am, do you have this in the next size up?

Saleslady: Sorry, we only carry sizes 1, 3, and 5. You could try Sears.

Damian: She's fabulous, but she's evil.

Janis: We gotta crack Gretchen. Once we crack Gretchen, we crack the lock on Regina's whole dirty history.

Damien: Say crack again.

Janis: Crack.

Regina: She thinks she's gonna have a party and not invite me? Who does she think she is?

Shane: You're right, hon.

Regina: I, like, invented her, you know what I mean?

Cady: Wait Regina, I didn't mean for this to happen!

Regina: To find out that everyone hates me? I don't care!

Cady: Wait Regina, just listen!

Regina: No! Do you know what everyone says about you behind your back? Hmm? They say that you're a homeschooled jungle freak that's a less hot version of me! Yeah, so don't try to act so innocent! You can take that fake apology, and shove it right up your hairy c...

Cady's mum: Where's Cady?

Cady's dad: She went out.

Cady's mum: She's grounded.

Cady's dad: Are they not suppose to be let out when they're grounded?

Regina: Oh my God, I love your skirt! Where did you get it?

Lea Edwards: It was my mom's in the '80s.

Regina: Vintage, so adorable.

Lea Edwards: Thanks.

Regina: [After Lea's left] That is the ugliest effing skirt I've ever seen.

Cady's dad: Hey, how was school?

Cady: Fine.

Cady's mum: Were people nice?

Cady: No.

Cady's dad: Did you make any friends?

Cady: Yes.

Cady: Half the people in this room are mad at me, and the other half only like me because they think I pushed somebody in front a bus, so that's not good.

Cady: You're not stupid, Karen.

Karen: No, I am actually. I'm failing almost everything!

Cady: Well there must be something you're good at.

Karen: I can stick my whole fist in my mouth! Wanna see?

Cady: No no no. Anything else?

Karen: Well, I'm kinda psychic. I have a fifth sense.

Cady: What do you mean?

Karen: It's like I have ESPN or something. My breasts can always tell when it's going to rain.

Cady: Really? That's amazing.

Karen: Well, they can tell when it's raining.

Karen: If you're from Africa, why are you white?

Gretchen: Oh my God Karen, you can't just ask people why they're white.

Mr. Duvall: So, uh... how was your summer?

Ms. Norbury: I got divorced.

Mr. Duvall: Oh. My carpal tunnel came back.

Ms. Norbury: I win.

Coach Carr: Don't have sex, because you will get pregnant and die! Don't have sex in the missionary position, don't have sex standing up, just don't do it, OK, promise? OK, now everybody take some rubbers.