Old Thomas Nickerson: Greed took hold of our captain and first mate. So we headed out. A thousand leagues along the equator. Where knowledge ended, speculation began. That's where the whales had gone to hide. As far from man as they could possibly go. But we hunted them down. Centuries before, sailors feared sailing off the edge of the Earth. But we where headed for the edge of sanity. Trust gave way to doubt. Hope to blind superstition.
Carson Welch: The future isn't just something that happens. It's a brutal force with a great sense of humor that will steamroll you if you're not watching.
Max: You know, hope is a mistake. If you can't fix what's broken, you'll go insane.
Lily: You're the ogre.
Adam Jones: Yes. But I bake great cakes.
Comic: So first, we need a historical event. Who's got an event?
Ted: 9/11!
Comic: Oh oh, okay. Okay, maybe something else. Uh, let's start with a person.
John: Robin Williams!
Comic: Okay, all right. For real, guys, for real. Who's got a person?
Ted: Robin Williams on 9/11!
Comic: Alright, we've heard from these guys, uh, let's maybe give somebody else over here a chance. How about a location? Let's go with a location.
Ted: The offices of Charlie Hebdo!
Comic: Okay seriously, sir, I just need a location.
John: Ferguson, Missouri!
Ted: Germanwings cockpit!
Comic: Okay, I heard Starbucks!
Ted: No you didn't!
John: Nobody said Starbucks.
Comic: Alright, Starbucks! Okay now, who's in the Starbucks?
Ted: Bill Cosby.
Poppa: You are me, and more.
Margo: Okay, you see this? This is your comfort zone. It's this big, Quentin. All the things that you want in the world are way out there.
Maya Blart: Look, Dad, you're going to have to get use to the idea that I'm a big girl now.
Paul Blart: Ok, first of all, we're all big. We're Blarts. Wide hips, thick ankles, and a low center of gravity. That's how the good Lord made us. That's why we're no good at running hurdles. Never will be.
Officer Bernard: This is gonna end bad for you.
Bryan Mills: Don't be such a pessimist. (00:44:35)
Fin Shepard: I'm sorry, Dad.
Gilbert Grayson Shepard: Sorry? We're not dead yet.
G.H. Hardy: There are no proofs nor underlying laws that can determine the outcome of matters of the heart. Of that I'm sure.
Cinderella: It was my mother's old dress.
Lady Tremaine: It would be an insult to take you to the palace dressed in these old rags.
Hope: Hey - Yo. Which one of you guys want to buy me a drink?
Cute Guy at Bar: Laughs.
Hope: That's me.
Cute Guy at Bar: That's you?
Hope: Yep.
Cute Guy at Bar: You look nice.
Hope: I still, like, hardly ever get my period. So you don't gotta worry about knocking me up. You could fuck me all raw and shit.
Cute Guy at Bar: Laughs Wow. So, if we buy you a drink.
Hope: Will I let you double team me? Absolutely.
Cute Guy at Bar: Could you just leave us alone?
Napoleon Solo: He's trying. To stop. The car.
Gaby Teller: We're struggling here. Why don't you take a shot at him?
Napoleon Solo: Somehow, it just doesn't seem like the right thing to do.
Evelyn Greenslade: I don't know why I tell you anything.
Muriel Donnelly: Because I'm older and wiser.
Evelyn Greenslade: Nineteen days older.
Muriel Donnelly: That's the entire lifespan of a wasp.
Kevin Griswold: There was a hole in the side of my stall.
Rusty Griswold: Sounds like you found yourself a glory hole.