DI Humphrey Goodman: If I am gonna woo the ladies with my culinary skills, I think I need to invest in a cookery book.
DS Florence Cassell: I don't know. Maybe turning on the oven would be a good start.
DI Humphrey Goodman: Yes. The devil is in the detail. (00:24:50)
Cripples, Bastards, and Broken Things - S1-E4
Daenerys Targaryen: If you ever lay a hand on me again, it'll be the last time you have hands.
Narrator: Centuries ago in Japan, Nighlok monsters invaded our world, but samurai warriors defeated them with power symbols, passed down from parent to child. Today the evil Nighlok have risen once again and plan to flood the earth. Luckily, a new generation of heroes stand in their way. They are the Power Rangers Samurai.
Mandy: Will you go pick up Travis, please?
Mike: You can pick him up.
Mandy: Really?
Mike: Yeah, if you can just figure out how to change a tire.
[Mandy starts to leave.]
Mike: So sad.
Mandy: I'm living with Lord Voldemort!
Mike: I don't know who that is, but he sounds like a very caring father.
Adam Demamp: I'm like one of those dragons from Avatar.
Cora: Love is weakness. It feels real now, at the start it always does, but it's an illusion. It fades and then you're left with nothing!
Nick Miller: You're a freaking gold digger, Jess.
Jess: Do you think that if I were a gold digger, I'd be interested in you? I would be the worst gold digger in the world.
The Sofa-Bed - S1-E1
Jackie: And Martin! How many times do I have to tell you? Stop eating out of the bin!
Johnny: Classic.
Adam: Classic.
Fiona Gallagher: Did the two of us finish an entire gallon of box wine the other night?
Eva: No one's ever gutted a man for me before.
Harold Finch: I'm a very private person.
Wilfred: I mean, I've heard of trauma causing blindness, like when Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles walked in on each other masturbating.
Nick Burkhardt: I guess you don't have to be a hexenbiest to be a witch.
Adalind Schade: You don't have to be a witch to work this kind of magic.
Sanford Shamiro: You called up your stalker?
Matt LeBlanc: Right.
Sanford Shamiro: The one we got the restraining order for.
Matt LeBlanc: Yeah.
Sanford Shamiro: Did you have sexual relations with her?
Matt LeBlanc: Mm, does anal...?
Sanford Shamiro: Yeah, it counts.
Gigi Stopper: I've been through too much to cry. Husband's death, family trauma, democratic administrations. Don't worry. I got this.
Narrator: Warning, this show contains scenes of graphic stupidity among four lifelong friends who compete to embarrass each other. Viewer Discretion is advised.
Various Characters: Uh, how's that milkshake coming, friend? Not too cold on that, right?
The Prince: Hello there, my bothers. I almost didn't see you. I am...the Prince of Persuasia! There are three steps to persuading women. Step number one: Trap your princess. Physically corner her in a room and eventually, your life. Step two: Insult your princess. Insult her face, her body, her brain, her car. The lower her self-esteem, the higher your chances, bro. It's been biologically proven, by me. Step three: Brag. Not lying, but close. Make up a story about how you single-handedly murdered a wild animal. Your story is going to release a hormone, deep inside her body, called "Insatia." It makes women ovulate. For sex!
Rosen Gatzev - Kukata: Excuse me... looking for dancers?
[The kids are trying to get Granny Jojo out their bedroom window to have her reach the ground.]
Gumball: [grunting] How can someone so small be so heavy?
Granny Jojo: Well, I have two metal hips, one orthopedic shoe, six gold teeth, a plate in my head, and an industrial strength pacemaker. I got so much metal in me, I'm legally classified as a motor vehicle.