Kurt Godel: I would rather be an optimist and a fool than a pessimist and right.
Kitty Potter: This is fucking fruitcake time. I mean - is that fashion, is it? I mean is there a message out there? I mean you got lot of naked people wandering around here.
Doug Chesnic: Don't you see? If he is involved, then her life is worthless, you understand? They had to fucking kill her.
Tick: What do you assume I do? Lie?
Marion: Assumption, my dear Mitz, is the mother of all fuck-ups.
Raphael: Oh no, he's turning into that opera guy again.
Capt. Jason Briggs: Is there a problem with your privates, Private?
Biderman: What do you expect?
Carl Quigley: What I expect is that if I give someone a million dollars and I come back the next day, I find the million dollars. That's what I expect.
Biderman: Carl, I'm not a magician okay.
Carl Quigley: So you can make it disappear but you can't make it reappear is that it?
Buddy: You're happy. I hate that.
Father Boyce: Jesus said nothing to condemn capital punishment as he hung on the cross, did he?
Congregation: No.
Father Boyce: If ever there was a time to go on record against the death penalty, wasn't it that night? Capital punishment is already the law in the state of Maryland. So what are we waiting for, fellow Christians? Let's just do it.
Congregation: Amen.
Maurice L. Pogue: It's so nice seeing all your faces here: John and Susan and Mary and Fred and Ethel, Little Ricky.
Amy Archer: Finally there would be a thingamajig that would bring everyone together. Even if it kept them apart, spatially.
Dr. Alex Hesse: My nipples are very sensitive.
Heather: Barry, I saw you, you were kissing her.
Barry: Once, I kissed her once! God, it's like I can't talk to my friends anymore, I can't believe how posessive you are.
Heather: Oh right, I guess that's why you were feeling her up?
Barry: Look, guys need sex. It's bad for you if you get all worked up and then not get it, you can get "prostrate" cancer. Is that what you want?
Terry McKay: I guess I'm happy when I don't want to be anywhere else but where I am.
Morty: I should've returned that book to the library five years ago! I don't know what you saw, but leprechauns don't exist.
Leprechaun: What's that ya say? Leprechauns don't exist?
John Slade: The name's Slade.
Julian Rogers: Super. Here's an idea. Why don't you spell it out for me so I can get it right on your tombstone.
Detective Martin Balsam: Oh, no! Not again.
Senior in restaurant #1: If you have job, you wear the pants.
Francesco Dellamorte: Oh, come on Gnaghi. The world's full of girls like that, and they've got bodies, too.
Bailiff: All Rise.
Judge Marcus: To hell with that, let's go.