Clayboy Spencer: Who's kidding who? They just don't want me! Can't you see that?
Angie: Do you call everybody Charlie?
Steve: Only the people I dig.
Terry 'Pintpot' Tankard: Are you the boss or something?
Ted Watson: I'm what they call the something manager. My advice to you is to be off.
Terry 'Pintpot' Tankard: You mean buzz off?
Ted Watson: No, but you're getting warm.
Merlin: There! You see? I'm an ugly, horrible, grouchy old man.
Homer Smith: I'm gonna' build me a chapel.
Guido: My Dears... Happiness consists of being able to tell the truth without hurting anyone.
Albert Poop-Decker: If you've got a heart of oak, it's got a worm in it.
Big Daddy: The pit! Bring me my pendulum, kiddies, I feel like swinging.
Professor Julius Kelp: Well, just don't do something, sit there.
Louise Haloran: It's nice to see her enjoying herself for a change. The mood around this place isn't good for her... Especially an American girl. You can tell she's been raised on promises.
Simon Orne: Joseph, have you not gorged yourself enough on revenge?
Charles Dexter Ward: You do not know the extent of my appetite, Simon. I'll not have my fill of revenge until this village is a graveyard. Until they have felt, as I did, the kiss of fire on their soft bare flesh. All of them. Have patience my friends. Surely, after all these years, I'm entitled to a few small amusements.
Rex Black: Where did he get it?
Stella Black: I lost it.
Rex Black: Where?
Stella Black: In his bed.