Alex Borstein (back to the A list / B list)

Peter: Lois, can't we just tell them your mother died?

Lois: Peter, I would never lie about something like that.

Peter: All right, I'll kill your mother.

[Joe Swanson is hanging on the edge of a waterfall in a sewer and Lois is trying to pull him up.]

Lois Griffin: Joe, I can't hold you! You're too heavy!

Joe Swanson: Lois! Pretend I'm one of your children!

[Lois begins to let go of his hand.]

Joe Swanson: Not Meg! Not Meg!

Lois: You should spend some time with our kids, Peter. And with me.

Peter: Uh, what could me and you do together?

[Lois giggles.]

Peter: Lois! You've got a sick mind.

Lois: Peter, I'm talking about making love.

Peter: Oh. I thought you wanted us to murder the children and harvest their organs for beer money.

Waiter: Your coffee, madam.

Lois: I'll pour it. You know, my family really isn't comfortable with being waited on like this.

Stewie: Cut my eggs!

Waiter: Your eggs are now cut, sir.

Stewie: Cut my milk!

Waiter: I can't cut your milk, sir.

Stewie: You will cut my milk! If my milk is still in one piece I shall kill you!

Meg: Mom, Dad, am I ugly?

Lois: Of course not, sweetie.

Peter: Yeah, where'd you get a stupid idea like that?

Meg: Craig Hoffman.

Peter: Craig...Craig Hoffman? Hmmm, he's a sharp kid. You might be ugly.