Quotes from Steve Martin movies and TV shows

Robert K. Bowfinger: Think of this as an errand. Your errand is to run across the freeway until I yell, "Cut!"

Dave: But movies cost millions of dollars to make.
Robert K. Bowfinger: That's after gross net deduction profit percentage deferment ten percent of the nut. Cash, every movie cost $2,184.

Robert K. Bowfinger: She had the personality of a ZIP code in Kansas.

Robert K. Bowfinger: We are finished! We are over.
Daisy: How come?
Robert K. Bowfinger: You had sex with Jiff.
Daisy: So?
Robert K. Bowfinger: I never thought of it that way.
Daisy: I'll see you tonight?
Robert K. Bowfinger: What time?

Robert K. Bowfinger: I'm 49 years old. Admittedly, I could get away with 44, 41, maybe 38. When you hit 50 they don't hire you anymore. It's like they can smell 50.

Robert K. Bowfinger: This film is only for Madagascar and Iran, neither of which follow American copyright law.

Robert K. Bowfinger: Now that you and your colleagues here at Mindfu -, head have had a chance to think, what do you say?

Peter Sanderson: I message for you. Howie says, 'The cool points out the window and you got him all twisted up in the game.'.
Charlene Morton: That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.

Charlene Morton: Pretend I'm your wife. Talk dirty to me.
Peter Sanderson: Um, okay... I wanna kiss you A LOT.
Charlene Morton: No no no! Dirtier.
Peter Sanderson: I wanna give you - an aromatherapy massage.
Charlene Morton: Try harder.
Peter Sanderson: I wanna have sexual intercourse with.
Charlene Morton: I give up.

Peter Sanderson: Ashley! Who are you doing here?

Tom Baker: You soaked his underwear in meat? That is so wrong. Funny, but wrong.

Tom Baker: What do you do for a living Eliot?
Eliot: Well... I'm in 8th grade.

Lorraine Baker: Still smells the same. Old gross stuff, dead animals, and murky lake water.
Tom Baker: It's called fresh air sweetie.

Nigel Baker: Winnetka? That's my middle name.
Kyle Baker: And Lake is mine.
Tom Baker: That's because you were conceived there.
Nigel Baker: What's that mean?
Jessica Baker: It means mom and dad had.
Kate 'Mom' Baker: ...a conversation, that we would discuss it much later when everybody could understand.

Lorraine Baker: You know how I feel about camping.
Tom Baker: But, we're staying in a house.
Lorraine Baker: A house with no air conditioning. That makes it camping.

Freddy Benson: Not mother?

Lawrence Jamieson: Do you ever have a single thought that originates from above the waist?
Freddy Benson: No.

Freddy Benson: I didn't steal any money! She just saw me with another woman! You're French, you understand that.
Inspector Andre: To be with another woman, that is French. To be caught, that is American.

Freddy Benson: I know somebody here! I met him on a train! His name... is... his name is... James. No. His name is... James Josephson. Lor. No, no, no. James Lawrence. lawrence... Lawrence. Lawrence Fells. Lawrence Feings. Forest Lorenston. Low. Lars. lars. Lawrence. Lawrence. Luch. Lawrence. Tuh. His name is James Jesenthon. Lawrence Fell. Lawrence Jesterton. lawrence jesterton.
Inspector Andre: ...Lawrence Jamieson?

Freddy Benson: Oh, Lawrence, this is happiest day of my life! I think my testicles are dropping!