Quotes from Stan Laurel movies and TV shows

Commandant: You there, what is your number?
Stan: Hollywood-4368.

Stan Sr.: Remember the old adage: You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.

Ollie: Get this house cleaned up! Do you know that my wife will be home at noon.
Stan: Say, what do you think I am? Cinderella? If I had any sense I'd walk out on you.
Ollie: Well it's a good thing you haven't any sense.
Stan: It certainly is.

Stannie Dum: You're right Ollie. You can't turn blood into a stone.
Ollie Dee: What do you mean?
Stannie Dum: Huh?
Ollie Dee: What do you mean?
Stannie Dum: Well, her talking to Barnaby, is just a matter of pouring one ear into another and coming out the other side. It can't be done.

Ollie Dee: Well, There's nothing to be afraid of. You and he are just like that.
Stannie Dum: But, that was before we were married.

Ollie: What were you doing up there?
Stan: I was trying to plug it in.
Ollie: That's not the place to plug it in! Give it to me.