Quotes from Jackie Gleason movies and TV shows

Fast Eddie: Fats, let's you and me shoot a game of straight pool.
Minnesota Fats: Hundred dollars?
Fast Eddie: Well, you shoot big time pool, Fats. I mean, that's what everybody says: you shoot big time pool. Let's make it $200 a game.
Minnesota Fats: Now I know why they call you Fast Eddie.

Fast Eddie: Fats, you can't run out on me.
Minnesota Fats: You watch me.

Fast Eddie: You sure don't leave much when you miss, do you, Fats?
Minnesota Fats: That's what the game's all about.

Minnesota Fats: Do you like to gamble, Eddie? Gamble money on pool games?

Max Basner: Your best friend is your dick.
David Basner: Now where did I learn that? Your best friend is your dick.
Max Basner: Great, maybe the four of us can get together and have lunch.

David Basner: I could've been a great doctor.
Max Basner: You could've been a great anything, son.

Little Enos: I'd like to kick your ass.
Buford T. Justice: You can't kick that high, cricket crotch.

Buford T. Justice: Junior, retirement is cat shit.

Buford T. Justice: Follow that sum bitch.

Buford T. Justice: I've said it before and I'll say it again. There is no way, no way that you could come from my loins. Soon as we get home, I'm gonna put a lump on your mama's head.

Junior: Does this mean I won't be your little tick turd anymore?
Buford T. Justice: Son, you'll always be my tick turd.

Buford T. Justice: Gimme the good old days when a pair of boobs were a couple of dumb guys.

Buford T. Justice: I gotcha.
The Real Bandit: Hello, Buford. Well, you caught me with my pants down.
Buford T. Justice: I did?
The Real Bandit: That's a... figure of speech.

U.S. Bates: I only get Eric for a week each year.
Jack Brown: Then you should get better lawyers, you shouldn't have to have him that long.
U.S. Bates: It just so happens I love him.
Jack Brown: Frankly, Scarlet, I don't give a damn.