Quotes from Demond Wilson movies and TV shows

Lamont Sanford: You know what they say, the truth will set you free.
Fred Sanford: Your uncle Edgar told the truth, and the judge gave him six months.

Lamont Sanford: Did you get the liquor Rollo?
Rollo Larson: No, I can't right now.
Lamont Sanford: Why not?
Rollo Larson: The store's still open.

Lamont Sanford: What's the matter with you, man?
Fred Sanford: Didn't you read the paper?
Lamont Sanford: No. What happened?
Fred Sanford: Well look here: Lucy stole Linus' blanket and hid it in Snoopy's dog house.
Lamont Sanford: I'm glad you told me, now I won't have to watch the 11:00 news.

Lamont Sanford: This is a pea coat.
Bubba: Did you know that when you bought it?

Fred Sanford: I told you, I don't want no dentist to be fooling around in my mouth.
Lamont Sanford: Why not?
Fred Sanford: Because they make me nervous. All them drills and chisels and screw drivers they be sticking down your mouth. They don't even care if they hurt you or not, they just yank you and thank you.

Lamont Sanford: Don't be ridiculous, Pop, you can't fight a traffic ticket.
Fred Sanford: I'm not being ridiclous. You are. Now look, you get a ticket by a white cop in a blue uniform in a black neighborhood, making you so mad you see red. And you ain't gonna fight it 'cause you too yellow. Now what are you? A man or a box of crayons?

Fred Sanford: Let's do like they did in the Bible: Moses spread his arms out and the Red Sea divided.
Lamont Sanford: So we're gonna do like Moses?
Fred Sanford: No, we're gonna do like the Red Sea and split.

Fred Sanford: We could have a little pork and beans now and a little zucchini later. Or a little zucchini now and a little pork and beans later. Or if you like the pork and beans, you can have them and I'll take the zucchini or I can take the pork and beans and you the zucchini so what will it be? Zucchini or pork and beans?
Lamont Sanford: The oven don't work.
Fred Sanford: Oh, in that case, we'll have some cold pork and beans now or.
Lamont Sanford: Would you stop that?

Lamont Sanford: Pop, since you was 10, you smoked a cigarette 41 miles long.
Fred Sanford: That's real super king sized ain't it?
Lamont Sanford: 41 miles. That's like you smoked a cigarette from here to Disneyland.