Meet the Parents (2000)

Pam Byrnes: You never told me about your cat milking days in Motown.

Dina Byrnes: Looks like we've got another wedding to plan.
Jack Byrnes: Yep. Just got to do one more thing.
Dina Byrnes: What's that?
Jack Byrnes: Meet his parents.
Dina Byrnes: Jack.
Jack Byrnes: Honey, relax. I'm sure they're wonderful, fascinating people.
Dina Byrnes: Good night, Jack.
Jack Byrnes: I mean, they'd have to be, right? To name their son Gaylord Focker?

Dina Byrnes: Now Greg, you have a very unique last name. Um, we were curious, how do you pronounce it?
Greg Focker: Oh, just like it's spelled. F-O-C-K-E-R.
Dina Byrnes: F-Focker.
Jack Byrnes: Hmm, Focker. Hmm.

Greg Focker: O dear God, thank you. You are such a good God to us. A kind and gentle and accommodating God. And we thank You O sweet, sweet Lord of hosts for the smörgåsbord You have so aptly lain at our table this day, and each day... by day. Day by day... by day. O dear Lord, three things we pray: To love Thee more dearly, to see Thee more, to follow Thee more nearly day by day... by day. Amen.

Jack Byrnes: So what if he took the MCATs? He's still not good enough for Pam.
Dina Byrnes: Who is, Jack? Nobody has ever been good enough for your Pam. I mean, do you realise that you never even warmed up to Kevin until she broke up with him? Maybe it's time you think about what Pam wants.

Jack Byrnes: Greg's a male nurse.
Greg Focker: Yes. Thank you, Jack.
Kevin: Wow, that's great. I'd love to find time to do some volunteer work. Just the other day I saw a golden retriever, he had like a gimp, ya know I just wish I could have done something.
Greg Focker: Yeah, well I get paid too so it's sort of an everyone wins thing.

Jack Byrnes: Denny can you - what is that?
Denny Byrnes: Oh this, um, well, it's a sculpture I found in Greg's jacket.
Jack Byrnes: This isn't a sculpture. It's a device people use to smoke marijiuana.
Denny Byrnes: Reeaally.

Jack Byrnes: You tried to milk him, didn't you you sick son of a bitch?

Pam Byrnes: Greg honey, how are you doing?
Greg Focker: Oh great, considering I desecrated your Grandma's remains, found out you were engaged, and had your father ask me to milk him.

Kevin: There he is. Okay, G-Man, we've got swordfish and we've got salmon, what'll it be?
Greg Focker: How 'bout a little of both, K-Dog, I'm pretty hungry.
Jack Byrnes: I think they call that the 'munchies'.

Pam Byrnes: Geez, Dad. You ever think of knocking?
Jack Byrnes: Not in my own den. What are you two doing in here?
Larry: I'd say rounding 2nd base.

Greg Focker: Oh, oh check my pulse on this one, Jack. Do I think you're a psycho? Yes.

Jack Byrnes: Greg's in medicine too.
Bob Banks: What field?
Greg Focker: Nursing.
Bob Banks: Ha ha ha ha. No, really, what field are you in?
Greg Focker: Nursing.

Jack Byrnes: I will be watching you and if I find that you are trying to corrupt my first born child, I will bring you down, baby. I will bring you down to Chinatown.

Jack Byrnes: Trust me, Greg, when you start having little Fockers running around, you'll feel the need for this type of security.

Greg Focker: Don't worry about your little covert op, I'll keep it on the low down.
Denny Byrnes: Down low.
Greg Focker: No doubt.

Jack Byrnes: What are you driving there? Ford?
Greg Focker: Yeah it's a Taurus. Yeah, we were going to get a mid-size, but I figure, hey, we pull down decent bucks. Might as well go all out, and pop for the full-size.
Jack Byrnes: Sure. Interesting color. You pick it?
Greg Focker: Oh, no, the guy at the counter. Why?
Jack Byrnes: Well, they say geniuses pick green. But you didn't pick it.

Jack Byrnes: I mean, can you ever really trust another human being, Greg?
Greg Focker: Sure, I think so.
Jack Byrnes: No. The answer is you cannot.