Liquor Store Clerk: [talking about the spilled pile or beer cans.] Sir, did you drop these?
Fogell: Uh, uh, no. No I didn't. You should clean these up, someone could seriously get hurt.
[walks away.]
Liquor Store Clerk: [looks down.] Fuck my life.
Becca: I am gonna give you the best blow J. With my mouth.
Fogell: Oh oh, I forgot to tell you: my mom said we could have the TV from the basement...
Evan: Shut the fuck up, man. He's gonna hear you. Just be quiet; wait until he goes away.
Fogell: You still haven't told him that we're rooming together?
Evan: Fogell... Shut the fuck up. And take off that vest. You look like Aladdin.
Officer Michaels: You just cock-blocked McLovin!
Officer Slater: Ethnically, was he like uh... Uh... African?
Mindy: Was he African? No, he was like you.
Officer Michaels: He's Jewish... So we have an African Jew wearing a hoodie.
Fogell: What's it like to have a gun?
Officer Michaels: It's like having two cocks. If one of your cocks could kill someone.
Evan: Calm down, calm down. She likes you. She wants to suck on your penis. That's a good thing. It's the best.
Seth: I'll be like the Iron Chef of pounding Vag.
Evan: I'd give my middle nut to start dating Becca.
Seth: [imitating Becca.] Oh Evan, thank you for bringing that lube for my pussy. I never would've been able to handle your four inch dick inside my pussy without that gigantic bottle of lube.
Seth: You know when you hear girls say 'Ah man, I was so shit-faced last night, I shouldn't have fucked that guy?' We could be that mistake!
Seth: You don't want girls to think you suck dick at fucking pussy.
Evan: You could always subscribe to a site like Perfect Ten. I mean that could be anything, it could be a bowling site.
Seth: Yeah, but it doesn't actually show dick going in which is a huge concern.
Evan: Right, I didn't realize that.
Seth: Besides, have you ever seen a vagina by itself?
Evan: No.
Seth: [shakes his head.] Not for me.
Seth: Look at those nipples.
Evan: They're like little baby toes. It's just not fair that they get to flaunt that stuff, you know... And like, I have to hide every erection I get.
Evan: Just imagine if girls weren't weirded out by our boners and stuff, and just like wanted to see them. That's the world I one day want to live in.
Seth: You know what I do? I flip my boner up into my waistband. It hinds it AND it feels awesome. I almost blew a load into my bellybutton.
