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Super Troopers

Captain O'Hagan: What did you find out at the weigh station?
Mac: My cruiser weighs 16,000 kilograms!

Mac: But our shenanigans are cheeky and fun.
Thorny: And his shenanigans are cruel and tragic.

Captain O'Hagan: I'm sorry, Bruce. These boys get that syrup in 'em, they get all antsy in their pantsy.

Thorny: I'll give you the fat guy for Foster. And uh, how about that stupid guy for Rabbit.
Ursula: Well, you're going to have to be more specific, they're both kind of fat and stupid.

Captain O'Hagan: There was a time when we'd take a guy like you in the back and beat you with a hose. Now you've got your God-damned unions.

Foster: We could be like Cagney and Lacey.
Ursula: Right. Except Cagney and Lacey were both women.
Foster: I could be Lacey.

Captain O'Hagan: Bulletproof cup, huh? I invented this gag, Rabbit. Only in my day, the rookie got naked. And we also used blanks. You're a sick motherfucker, Mac.
Mac: Thanks, Chief!

Officer Smy: If you were my wife, I'd take you down a peg or two. [To Foster.] Hey douche bag.
Foster: If you were my wife, I'd massage your feet till you fell asleep.
Ursula: Nice try.

Police Chief Grady: Desperation is a stinky cologne.

[Having pulled over a speeding driver.]
Mac: All right, how about Cat Game?
Foster: Cat Game? What's the record?
Mac: Thorny did six, but I think you can do ten.
Foster: Ten? Starting right meow?
[They go up to the car.]
Driver: Sorry about the...
Foster: All right meow. Hand over your license and registration.
[The man gives him his license.]
Foster: Your registration? Hurry up meow.
Driver: [laughing.] Sorry.
Foster: Is there something funny here boy?
Driver: Oh, no.
Foster: Then why you laughing, Mister... Larry Johnson?
[Foster stares at him.]
Foster: All right meow, where were we?
Driver: Excuse me, are you saying meow?
Foster: Am I saying meow?
Driver: I thought...
Foster: Don't think boy. Meow, do you know how fast you were going?
[The man laughs.]
Foster: Meow. What is so damn funny?
Driver: I could have sworn you said meow.
Foster: Do I look like a cat to you, boy? Am I jumpin' around all nimbly-bimbly from tree to tree? Am I drinking milk from a saucer? DO YOU SEE ME EATING MICE?
[The man is uncontrollably laughing.]
Foster: You stop laughing right meow!
Driver: [Stops and swallows hard.] Yes sir.
Foster: Meow, I'm gonna have to give you a ticket on this one. No buts meow. It's the law.
[Rips off the ticket and hands it to the man.]
Foster: Not so funny meow, is it?
[Foster gets up to leave, but Mac shakes his hands at him, indicating only nine meows.]
Foster: Meow!

Foster: Ain't so funny meow is it?

Captain O'Hagan: I'll believe ya when me shit turns purple and smells like rainbow sherbert.

Farva: Hey, let's pop some Viagras and issue tickets with raging, mega-huge boners.
Thorny: You know, Farva, only you can make a dark man blush. And no, we're not doing it.

Thorny: Who wants a moustache ride?
German Woman: I do, I do!
German Man: Oooh, I vant von too!

Mac: No, Farva, you are under arrest for being a complete and total fuckhead.

Police Chief Grady: I will have the enchilada platter with two tacos and no guacamoles. Smy?
Officer Smy: Yeah, chief. I'll have a CHINCHILLA!
Rabbit: I don't get it. Tacos?
Thorny: They think I'm Mexican.
Rabbit: You're not Mexican?

Farva: Just cleaning out the old locker. She stinks like ass but I'll sure miss her. I guess you could say that about all my girls.

Mac: Oh, c'mon, we're like the sons you never had.
Captain O'Hagan: If you were my son, Mac, I would've smothered you by now.
Mac: Smothered me in gravy, you big dirty man.

Thorny: It stinks like sex in here.

Farva: Just cleaning out the old locker. She stinks like ass but I'll sure miss her. I guess you could say that about all my girls.

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