Glen: Say that reminds me, how'd you get that kid so darn fast? Me and Dot went in to adopt on account a' somethin' went wrong with my semen, and they said we had to wait five years for a healthy white baby. I said, "Healthy white baby? Five years? What else you got?" Said they got two Koreans and a negra born with his heart on the outside. It's a crazy world.
H.I.: Someone oughta sell tickets.
Glen: Sure, I'd buy one.
H.I.: Prison life is structured - more'n some people care for.
Gale: Welcome Home Son...? Where's he been?
Gale: I know you're partial to convenient stores, but dammit, H.I., the sun doesn't rise and set on the corner grocery.
Machine Shop Ear-Bender: So we were doin' paramedical work in affiliation with the state highway system. Not actual practice, you understand. And me and Bill were patrolling down Nine Miles.
H.I.: Bill Roberts?
Machine Shop Ear-Bender: No, not that mother-scratcher. Bill Parker. Anyway, we're approaching the wreck, and there's this spherical object a restin' in the highway. And it's not a piece of the car.
Ed McDonnough: I love him so much.
H.I.: I know you do, honey.
Ed McDonnough: I love him so much.
H.I.: I know you do.
Ed McDonnough: You mean you busted out of jail.
Evelle: No, ma'am. We released ourselves on our own recognizance.
Gale: What Evelle here is trying to say is that we felt that the institution no longer had anything to offer us.
H.I.: Edwina's insides were a rocky place where my seed could find no purchase.
Policeman: Do you have any disgruntled employees?
Nathan Arizona Sr.: Hell, they're all disgruntled. I ain't running no damn daisy farm. My motto is "Do it my way or watch your butt!"
Policeman: Well, do you think any of them could've done it?
Nathan Arizona Sr.: Oh, don't make me laugh. Without my say-so they wouldn't piss with their pants on fire.
H.I.: Sometimes it's a hard world for small things.
Glen: That Buford's a sly one. Already knows his ABC's. Hit the deck, boy.
Evelle: I got me some baby grub, baby wipes, diapers, them disposable kind. I also got a package of balloons.
Gale: They blow up into funny shapes and all?
Evelle: No, just circular.
Nathan Arizona Sr.: Eight hundred leaf-tables and no chairs? You can't sell leaf-tables and no chairs. Chairs, you got a dinette set. No chairs, you got dick.
H.I.: I tried to stand up and fly straight, but it wasn't easy with that sumbitch Reagan in the White House. I dunno. They say he's a decent man, so maybe his advisors are confused.
Evelle: H.I., you're young and you got your health, what you want with a job?
Dot: Rollie! You take that diaper off your head and you put it back on your sister.
H.I.: This here's the TV. Two hours a day, maximum, either... either educational or football, so's, y'know, you don't ruin your appreciation of the finer things.
Nathan Arizona Sr.: All right, boy, I guess you got a reward coming. Twenty-five thousand dollars. Or, if you need home furnishings, I can give you a line of credit at any of my stores. In fact, that's the way I'd rather handle it. Tax reasons.
Ed McDonnough: We don't want no reward. We didn't bring him back for money.
Nathan Arizona Sr.: We can work it that way, too.
Hayseed in the Pickup: Son, you got a panty on your head.
Dot: You gotta get 'em dip-tet boosters yearly or else they'll develop lockjaw and night vision.
