Francine: The point is, there was a time when you two weren't always fighting.
Hayley: That was before I knew dad was a gun toting maniac.
Stan: Beatnik.
Hayley: Warmonger.
Stan: Chupacabra.
Hayley: I'm the mexican Bigfoot?
Stan: You heard her. She admitted it.
Jake's Mom: Your sister really looks up to you.
Jake Long: She's two feet tall! She looks up to everybody!
Clay: Orel, love gets in the way of the important things in life. Like going to sleep or being left alone.
Grandpa Max Tennyson: Being a hero isn't about letting others know you did the right thing, it's about you knowing you did the right thing.
Ben Tennyson: What were you just doing, reading greeting cards back at the Mega Mart?
Grandpa Max Tennyson: Well... yes.
Juniper Lee: You play bass, Dennis. It's a miracle anyone even notices you.
Ed Wuncler: The only joy I get from these parties is standing around telling mean-spirited jokes at other people's expense.
Robert 'Granddad' Freeman: I do that, too.
Ed Wuncler: Check out that guy. Why is his face all twisted up like that? Looks like he jacks off with Icy Hot. He looks like he just shit a gerbil.