Hogan: Sister if you wanna bless em you bless em dry.
Big Joe: If I hear any more threats against Captain Maitland's life, if I hear any more wild talk about going down to headquarters and killing the General, or raping the nurses at the field hospital, I'm going to strangle the guy with my bare hands! You understand that? (00:35:24)
John O'Hanlan: Well, how much money does he need to get her liver fixed?
Jenny: Five hundred dollars.
John O'Hanlan: Five hundred dollars for a liver?
Jenny: That's what the big doctor in Chicago charges. And he's got all kinds of fancy letters in back of his name.
John O'Hanlan: I don't care what's in back of his name! Five hundred dollars - that's more than you have to pay for a good horse.
George Kellerman: My wife can verify that. Gwen?
Gwen Kellerman: I can verify that.
Colonel Cathcart: You're a disgrace. I'd like to know how you got to be a Captain, anyway.
Yossarian: You promoted me.
Colonel Cathcart: That has got nothing to do with it.
Holmes: Criminals are as unpredictable as head colds. You never know when you're going to catch one.
Lord Nicholas "Nick" Dorset: I don't know why I can't use my own tailor in London.
Mr. Graham: One can't be too careful.
Lord Nicholas "Nick" Dorset: You can't possibly understand what an ordeal it is to wear clothes made by a stranger.
Michael 'Mike': I love her.
Cinema Owner: You perverted little monster.
Gravedigger Jones: Hey, Ed.
Coffin Ed: What is it?
Gravedigger Jones: Look at this. Cotton, from inside the meat truck.
Coffin Ed: One thing for sure, it ain't drugstore cotton.
Anderson: What is it?
Coffin Ed: It's raw, unprocessed cotton. Like from a bale.
Gravedigger Jones: Ohhh, it's a long time since I've seen cotton like that.
Coffin Ed: Digger, you ain't never seen no raw cotton before. You were born and raised right here in New York, just like me.
Adolf Hitler: Did you know that last year more people died from cigarette smoking than from bombings?
Brendan Byers III: What will you do about that, Führer?
Adolf Hitler: Increase the bombings.
The Lecturer: Social behavior. Schjelderup-Ebbe first used the word dominance in describing his observations on the social hierarchies of birds. He concluded that within a flock, composed of single species, there exists a definite order of social distinctions. And between any two birds, one invariably has precedence over the other.
June: I wondered if it would be safe for me to go for a walk. I mean, would anything happen?
Bill Boosey: Darling, you could walk starkers through a Foreign Legion outpost and nothing would happen.
Duke d'Escargot: I warn you gentlemen, I am not to be trifled with. To pull the tail of a lion is to open the mouth of trouble and reveal the teeth of revenge biting the tongue of deceit.
Sidney Bliss: I don't want much. Just to worship at your feet.
Esme Crowfoot: I've got better bits.
Frank Vecchio: We're all strangers. But after a while you get used to it. You become deeper strangers. That's a sort of love.
Woodward Lopeman: Why do you work at it so hard proving you're a son-of-a-bitch.
Paris Pittman Jr.: Because I am. It's my profession and I'm on top.