Oliver Martin: Well... Guess when I'm an old man, I'll never have to wonder, "What if? "
Joan Berkman: You're calling me a bitch?
Nicholas Yuleson: The clock just struck midnight at the pole. Christmas is officially over for you, Santa.
Santa Claus: You know, most people make the same mistake. The correct time at the pole is completely discretionary, because the poles are where all the time zones actually converge.
Mary "Mac" Mackenzie: He's scary, but educational.
Tracy Stokes: I think I just swallowed Nemo.
Cholo: Still workin' for the man. Kaufman send you to kill me, huh?
Riley: Yes.
Cholo: Takes a true friend to stab you right in the front, doesn't it.
Romy White: Why am I the only one who sees how great I am?
'Colonel' Tom Parker: Let's face it, son. The records aren't doing what they used to and the movie aren't doing much better.
Elvis Presley: That's probably because of all this material you keep shovin' down my throat, Colonel. Hell, you can't polish a turd.
Maria Kelly: Oh, and when you go out with a guy be sure he has a brother or a friend who is single before you call me.
Madame Belly: What do I look like, a comedian?
Jeff Talley: Joe! Only God gets to decide who lives and who dies.
Blake: You know, it's kinda like... Success is subjective, you know. It could be an opinion.
Annette Prestolani: Oh, my God. Gina Prestolani, who's sauce have you been tasting?
Laura Henderson: If we are to ask our youth to surrender their lives, then we should not ask them to surrender joy - or the possibility of joy! And, if along the way, we cause too many people to congregate in the street, who gives a fiddler's fuck?
Reporter: Conners, can we have a few words?
Quentin Conners: Yeah, I have two words for you. Blow me.
Construction Worker: You're a jets fine, right?
Lance: Oh, my God, hello! I live for "West Side Story."
Nick Naylor: Now what we need is a smoking role model. A real winner.
Jeff Megall: Indiana Jones meets Jerry Maguire.
Nick Naylor: Right, on two packs a day.
The Kid: So, as just a guy who gave another guy a sandwich, you have, like, any philosophical tips or anything, for a guy on a-kind of - road trip?
Don Johnston: You asking me?
The Kid: Yeah.
Don Johnston: Well, the past is gone, I know that. The future, isn't here yet, whatever it's going to be. So, all there is, is, is this. The present. That's it.
The Kid: Are you a Buddhist?
Sir Nicholas: What queer finery he wears.
Geoff Tipps: I'm not queer, don't bum me.