Jerry Sunborne: Roses are red, Violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.
Alison Scott: I'm pregnant.
Ben Stone: Fuck off.
Alison Scott: What?
Ben Stone: What?
Detective Mercer: How did you... pull it back together after what happened to you?
Erica: You don't.
Detective Mercer: I'm sorry.
Erica: No, no.
Detective Mercer: Jacked-up question, man.
Erica: It's a fair question. You... you become someone else. A stranger.
Marty Bach: We've got 600 attorneys here. We've got to find out who's an expert on psychiatric commitment statutes.
Michael Clayton: I can tell you who that is: Arthur.
Adam Leavitt: Sir, not to beat a dead horse, but if there was ever a time for us to put boots on Saudi sand, I mean, don't you think this is it?
Janet Mayes: There's no way, Adam. They will never allow it.
Adam Leavitt: Then let's just ask.
Janet Mayes: The Saudi Royal Family cannot appear as if they're losing control. If they lose control of their country, lose control of the people, they risk losing control of the oil. And that's not going to happen.
Anna: Why are you doing this, why are you helping us?
Nikolai Luzhin: I can't become king if someone else already sits on the throne.
Alex Fletcher: You're Cole Porter in panties. Of course, having said that, Cole Porter probably did wear panties.
Daphne Wilder: God couldn't be everywhere so that is why he invented mothers.
Maggie: What? That was on a Hallmark card we gave you.
Burwell: You've been a bad girl, haven't you Lindsay?
Bill: They hate that I'm working at their bank. I hate that I'm working at their bank.
Glen the Desk Clerk: Hello, welcome to the International Inn. How many?
Lieutenant Jim Dangle: There's 8 of us.
Glen the Desk Clerk: 8, 8 people for a suckfest.
Lieutenant Jim Dangle: No, no suckfest. We're here for a convention.
Glen the Desk Clerk: I like convention too. I'm in a convention. A suckfest convention.
Oglethorpe: The only thing bull semen has ever done for me is activate my gag reflex.
Hertz: Come on, Smith, come on, guns don't kill people - but they sure help.