Monica Jones: Melons are like boyfriends. Shall I tell you why? To get a single good one you must one hundred try.
Banner in the back of Stanley's van: I'm the guy your mother warned you about.
Ben: Are you gay, or are you just acting gay?
Robert: Well, that depends, are you interested are are you just acting interested?
Dina Byrnes: Now Greg, you have a very unique last name. Um, we were curious, how do you pronounce it?
Greg Focker: Oh, just like it's spelled. F-O-C-K-E-R.
Dina Byrnes: F-Focker.
Jack Byrnes: Hmm, Focker. Hmm.
Noah: There you are again with those books! What is that?
Paul Tannek: Studying?
Beret Girl: Max, Max, Max. Admit defeat, and defeat will surely admit you into permanent custody, my man.
Wesley: I'll shoot that bitch like she scratched my car.
Bree Davis: You see women all day, every day. How do they keep from just runnin' together?
Dr. Sullivan "Sully" Travis, "Dr. T": I think every single woman I've ever met has got somethin' special about her, somethin' that sets her apart from the rest.
Bree Davis: Well, if a gynecologist says there's no two alike, I guess there's no two alike.
Sheila: Well Mr. Phipps, you are in perilous danger of turning me back into a heterosexual.
Jimmy King: Wakie Wakie, Hands off Snakey.
Ryan: I like that you look nervous sometimes for no reason. And when you do, you bite your lip. I like that you probably... rifled through your closet tonight... and settled with what you started out with. I like your smile.
Matthew: Enter the fuckin' dragon.