Turkish: We've lost gorgeous George
Brick top: Well where'd you lose him? He ain't a set of fucking car keys is he?
Russ Duritz: Toshiya, let me ask you something. If you get called a jerk four times in a single day, does that make it true?
Amy: What, only four? Did you get up late?
Russ Duritz: Excuse me, I'm asking Toshiya.
Toshia: Four times is a pattern. It have to be five times to be a fact.
Russ Duritz: Thank you. See? There's hope after all.
Amy: Jerk.
Russ: As our Jewish friends say: "Enjoy."
Sleep'N Eat: Years ago, I married a widow who had a grown up daughter. My daddy visited us often, fell in love, and married her. Thusly, he became my son-in-law and my step-daughter became my mother because she was my father's wife. That's right. After that, my father's wife gave birth to a son who became my brother and my grandchild, because he was the son of my daughter. I ain't jiving! Now, accordingly, my wife was my grandmother because she was my mother's mother. Mantan, I was my wife's husband and grandchild at one and the same time. And lo and behold, as the husband of the person's grandmother is a grandfather, I became my goddamn own grandfather.
Cecil: Demented forever.
Tigger: You can't bounce the bounce if you can't even pronounce the bounce.
Charlie: So, you're going to dinner with both of them? The girl you like and the girl you slept with?
Oscar: Yeah, my dad's coming too.
Betty: We never get to do our laundry together.
Jim Grover: It's quints.
Florence "Chicklet" Forrest: I've never been to an orgy before. What do I wear?
Miranda Frayle: You planned all this business of Dora dressing up, didn't you, just to belittle me in front of Nigel, to make me look like a fool?
Felicity Marshwood: I rather think you contributed to that rather generously yourself.
Imogen: A little soul is necessary in life.
Bennett: I once heard someone say: "When you dim your light, so that someone else can shine, the whole world gets darker."
Kate: I like being depressed. It makes me feel deep and introspective.
Dot: The guys paid a dollars apiece to find out if you're single.
Lydia Callahan: Tell the guys I have five husbands, each one rich, mean and jealous. I'll be rotatin' them through on a weekly basis.
Dot: That line will be all over the valley by breakfast.
Lydia Callahan: Oh, just tell 'em I own a rifle.
Victoria: You're an alcoholic.
Adam: Alcoholics have class. I'm a fucking drunk.
Lily, Burnetts Grand Daughter: Magic Railroad?
Mr. C. Junior: Whatever.