Lysander: The course of true love never did run smooth.
Michael Felgate: Well at least tell me what his restaurant is called, then I can sneak in, in a beard or something.
Gina Vitale: It's called The La Trattoria.
Michael Felgate: You mean La Trattoria.
Gina Vitale: No.
Michael Felgate: The La Trattoria means The The Trattoria.
Gina Vitale: I know.
Michael Felgate: Interesting. Look I have to go to the La Bathroom, and I'll be back in a sec.
Wayne Wayne Wayne Jr.: The Light is green.
Mrs. Shah: I will never allow my daughters to marry into this jungly family of half-breeds.
Ella Khan: Well they may be half-bred, but at least they're not friggin' inbred like those two monstrosities.
Gary: I'm sure every man and his dog has tried a line on you, but has anyone ever told you you have very sad eyes?
Joanna: Well, yes, they have, Gary. Has anyone ever told you you need a shower?
Roy Lee: Roy Lee: H-O-M-E-R.
Alan Mann: I can't fart loud enough to express my opinion.
Ben Kurtzman: You don't walk out on Sinatra, sir.
Trent: A woman has an orgasm, it's like a fuckin' earthquake, right? I was doing this one Bertha once, I swear to God it was like a 7.5. It's like, I'm lookin' at my dick, going, "Jesus Christ, why can't you do that?"
Rosie Forbes: You've got balls.
Maniac: You should see 'em.
Rosie Forbes: Mine are bigger.
Maniac: I've been told size doesn't matter.
Rosie Forbes: She lied.
Friend of Aly and Melanie: She was totally edging on my squeeze, so I dinged her with a bounce-bounce in the numbers lab.
Carla Tate: Have you ever done it before?
Daniel McMann: Well, yeah, kind of. You see the guys at work, they chipped in and they found this girl and she had a reputation. There was a lot of kissing and hugging and a lot of rubbing, and I kind of finished before I was supposed to. You have to be a guy to understand that.
Heather Donahue: I just want to apologize to Josh's mom, and Mike's mom, and my mom. I am so sorry! Because it was my fault. I was the one who brought them here. I was the one that said "keep going south." I was the one who said that we were not lost. It was my fault, because it was my project. I am so scared! I don't know what's out there. We are going to die out here! I am so scared!
Albert Collins: Silence is the most beautiful noise in the world.
Dylan: I found him down by the pier.
Lila: Oh you bad dog! I should spank you.
Dylan: Ooh, hey, I was down by the pier too.
Detective Jojima: My father was a small-village cop in a town where nothing ever happened. He just hung around like a scarecrow, until he died. But like they say - even a scarecrow keeps away the sparrows.
Nels Gudmundsson: It takes a rare thing, a turning point, to free oneself from any obsession. Be it prejudice or hate, or, even love.
Ted: I have this phobia about having my body penetrated surgically. You know what I mean?
Tammy Metzler: If you died right now, I would throw myself into one of my Dad's cement trucks and get poured into your tomb.