Jerry: [Talking about The Lion King] It's deeply deep. 'Cause the uncle kills the nephew's father.
Old Lady: Which is his brother.
Jerry: That's his brother. He kills his own brother, right? That's some heavy Shapeskearean shit.
Mike: [laughs]
Jerry: What's funny?
Mike: Shape...nothing.
Michael: After an hour of waiting for her, I broke open the champagne.
Guinevere Pettigrew: Oh, dear.
Michael: Then floating past the Tower of London, I had a brain wave. Decided the ring I had wasn't good enough for her. And when a man wants a diamond, what better place to get it?
R.I.P.L.E.Y.: A strange game. The only way to win is not to play,.
Preest: But don't get me wrong. This wasn't fate. For every soul of this deluded population who believed in fate's comic clockwork, they neglect to see the wear and tear beneath the surface. The teeth that grind into the cogs. The damage that fate causes so many in its selfish journey towards just one favourable consequence. The Individual had simply run out of luck, and I was here to collect.
The Spirit: My city, I can not deny her. My city screams. She is my mother. She is my lover, and I am her Spirit.
Victor Mancini: My God... you're crazy.
Paige Marshall: No, I'm just... working a few things out.
Dennis Farell: Jesus lady, help can't even help us.
Richie Nix: I read about this guy once who weighed 1200 pounds. Can you believe that? For breakfast he'd have like 2 pounds of bacon, a dozen eggs, some rolls. Then for lunch he'd have 4 hamburgers, 4 double cheeseburgers, 8 boxes of fries. For dinner: 3 ham steaks, 6 sweet potatoes, 6 or 7 regular potatoes, some stuffing.
Nina Metro: She's really sick. She needs to see a doctor, but she's so stubborn we can't talk her into it.
Graham Sloan: Well, where's her dad?
Nina Metro: He's on location in Italy.
Graham Sloan: That's an answer?
Nina Metro: She needs help, Graham.
Graham Sloan: Why do you think I can help her?
Nina Metro: Well, aren't you the one that loves her?
Graham Sloan: What's that gonna fix? Is that gonna help her?
Joe: Where there's money, there's competition and the guy paying me usually wins.
Reverend Pratt: So, if you concentrate on what you don't have, you forget about what you do have.
Grinko: In Russia, we have expression. "With lies, you may go ahead in the world, but you may never go back." Do you understand this, Jessie?
Sameer's Mother: There are things you must do with women that you cannot do with men.
Leann Cole: That's not my ringtone.
Chase Collins: She has more talent, more conviction than anyone else I know.
Larry: I'm gonna shove that BlackBerry up where it's gonna be a BrownBerry.
Ben: Life's not that bad, I'm in France, life is good.