Best comedy movie quotes of 1995

Adele: I'm giving thanks that we don't have to go through this for another year. Except we do, because those bastards went and put Christmas right in the middle, just to punish us.

Luke: It's 1909 and you're alone with a young artist named Adolph. Do you kill him?

Ivannah: It's the third nipple that does it.
T.S. Quint: Oh, you have a third nipple? I didn't notice.
Brodie: What are you talking about? It's as clear as day! Look at it for god's sake.
Ivannah: You can stare at it. I don't mind.

Danny: MY cushion.

Jack: I guess I don't remember meeting you.
Lucy: Well, that's probably because we've never met.
Jack: That could have something to do with it.

Greek Chorus Leader: Don't go any further. I know what you're thinking, Lenny, and forget it!
Lenny Weinrib: I can't forget it; the thought's been put in my head.
Chorus: Oh, cursed fate; certain thoughts are better left unthunk.

Newt Shaw: I'm your man.

Matt: Can't you just relax and enjoy the moment?
Gwyn: No, I'm a middle child. I always think the really good moments are happening to someone else.

Jimmy: I'll be here every day for life, plus 30 years, if I live that long.

Darius: Just think of aids as the guest that won't leave, the one we all hate. But you have to remember: Hey! It's still our party.

Wanda: Is everybody hurt? Is anyone okay?

Donald Patterson: Did I say that? I didn't say that! All I said was... bad things tend to happen around you two. Some money got lost and I think you two can help me find it.
Charlie: How so?
Donald Patterson: You look for it.

Vic Damico: This isn't your first time in a restaurant, is it?
Lucille: No, my ex-husband used to like to eat out, may he rest in peace.
Vic Damico: So he passed away?
Lucille: Not yet.

Reginald Anson: Pleasant enough sort of place, isn't it?
George Garrad: I suppose so, considering it's Wales.

Bruno Parker: I never saw anything funny that didn't cause pain.

Art Dodge: For me there is only Rimbaud.
Liz Kerner: Rimbaud? Why?
Betty Kerner: Well, it's obvious. He's the original. I mean, Seagal and Van Damme are just cheap imitations.

Stuart Smalley: Because what they say is true - it's easier to put on slippers than to carpet the whole world.

Paul Benjamin: Slow down, huh?
Auggie Wren: That's what I recommend. You know how it is. Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow. Time creeps in its petty pace.

Dr. Frankenollie: Dr. Frankenollie at your service. You're here for the job, hmm?
Mickey Mouse: Yeah. I mean, no! No.
Dr. Frankenollie: Oh, don't be shy. It's not just a job. It's an adventure.
Mickey Mouse: I hate adventures.
Dr. Frankenollie: Perfect! You're hired.

Arthur Hoggett: That'll do pig, that'll do.