Vida Boheme: I think tomorrow is a "Say Something" hat day.
Lucy Shepherd: Do you see it as part of your job to torture me?
President Andrew Shepherd: No, just one of the perks.
Bobby Brady: Excuse me Mr Dittmeyer, but the height of your hedge is blocking your view of oncoming traffic and as a junior safety inspector I felt it was my duty to point out this hazard to you.
Larry Dittmeyer: Well you see, Billy...
Bobby Brady: Bobby.
Larry Dittmeyer: Like it matters. I grew my hedge tall for a reason... So I wouldn't have to see your family. Thank you for your concern.
He Zhiwu: They say that love can change a man. I start to find myself looking better and more charming, and suddenly I discover that I'm turning blonde.
Dr. Kosevich: I've got it! Nurse, call the Anesthesiologist, this woman needs an enema.
Samuel, Rebecca, Nurse: An enema?
Dr. Kosevich: No, uh, she needs a pedicure.
Nurse: This ain't no goddam beauty parlor.
Dr. Kosevich: Epitath.
Samuel Faulkner: She's not dead, you moron.
Dr. Kosevich: Epidermus... Uh.
Rebecca Taylor: Epidural, asshole.
Capt. T.C. Doyle: Does anybody else here know how to work an elephant?
Harvey (H.A.) Ashford: I was in love with a fat woman once, but she never listened to me.
Max: Why are you doing this to me, Dad?
Goofy: 'Cause, I don't want you to end up in the electric chair.
Marko: We're all crazy, Natalija. We just haven't been diagnosed yet.
Chili Palmer: Harry, look at me. You're trying to tell me you fucked up without sounding stupid, and that's hard to do.
Ralphie: You think you're hot shit, but you're really just cold diarrhea.
Kabral: The black guy always dies. Think about it, man. Unforgiven. Alien. Rocky IV. The Shining.
Roy: Star Trek II. Forrest Gump. Witness.
Bud: Annie Hall. Not Annie Hall.
Roy: No, Night of the Living Dead.
Bud: That's the one!
Kabral: And what about that brother in Jurassic Park, man?
Bud: There were two black guys who died in that one. That was a twofer. You must be really pissed off at that one.
Bernadine Harris: The worst thing is that he made me move out here where my children are in school with only one other black kid so they won't be improperly influenced. Well, guess what John, YOU'RE the motherfuckin' improper influence! Get your shit! Get your shit! And, get out.
Marcus Burnett: You see what happens when you go off without me? You get into shit.
Mike Lowrey: Oh please, like shit don't happen when you're there.
Marcus Burnett: That - that ain't the point.
George Banks: Mr Habeeb, this is not a piece of land. This is my home and I'm gonna be a father again and I don't want to bring my baby home to a condo on the beach! I wanna drive down that street and I wanna pull into this driveway and I wanna honk my horn.
Diane Barrows: It was there, I know it, that can't-eat, can't-sleep, reach-for-the-stars, over - the-fence, World Series kind of stuff.
High School Principal: Mr. Madison, what you've just said, is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response, were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
Billy Madison: OK, a simple "wrong" would have done just fine.
Ted the Bellhop: Problem? I haven't got a problem. I've got fucking problems. Plural.
Luke: It's 1909 and you're alone with a young artist named Adolph. Do you kill him?