Percy: If you're gonna marry one of these women, sometimes it's gonna hurt like hell. And all you can do is admit that you're wrong and know that she's always right.
Simon Green: She's right?
Percy: That's right.
Simon Green: Always?
Percy: Right.
Simon Green: Right.
Percy: That's right.
Simon Green: All right okay, what about all that talk about my dignity?
Percy: Do you love her? Do you want her? Then she's always right.
Floyd: Welcome to Thunderdome, bitch!
Elliot Wilhelm: When are you going to call me?
Chili Palmer: When your phone rings.
Bree Osbourne: My body may be a work-in-progress, but there is nothing wrong with my soul.
Valiant: It's not the size of your wingspan that counts, no, it's the size of your spirit.
T.J. Hicks: Did you know Holland invented chicken and waffles?
Deuce Bigalow: Really?
T.J. Hicks: Before that you could get chicken or waffles, but they were the first to put them together! Black people all over the world will be forever grateful to the Dutch for that.
Deuce Bigalow: You know the Dutch started the slave trade.
T.J. Hicks: Those mother fuckers.
Mayor Buckman: Got any last requests, boy?
Malcolm: Yeah. Kiss my black ass.
Maitre D': Whats wrong with him?
Elizabeth Masterson: It's a tension pneumothorax.
David Abbott: I think it's a tension nemothax, sir.
Elizabeth Masterson: Pneumothorax.
David Abbott: Nuemathax, sir.
Elizabeth Masterson: Pneumothorax.
David Abbott: Numathurman.
Elizabeth Masterson: Never mind.
David Abbott: Never mind.
Chanel: I know Botox Barbie didn't just call me ignorant.
Pickle Factory boss: Writer huh? Are you sure?
Henry Chinaski: No, I'm not. I'm halfway through a novel.
Pickle Factory boss: What's it about?
Henry Chinaski: Everything.
Pickle Factory boss: It's about... cancer?
Henry Chinaski: Yes.
Pickle Factory boss: How about my wife?
Henry Chinaski: She's in there too.
Reggie: I see buckets of dead relatives! Extra crispy! Extra crispy.
Tom Baker: What do you do for a living Eliot?
Eliot: Well... I'm in 8th grade.
Hadley Wolfmeyer: What kind of a dickhead runs away with his secretary? That is lame, take a right, make a left at pathetic.
The Wolf: I'm allergic to yodeling.
Mr. Marks: Do I smell the revolting stench of self-esteem?
Policeman: Somebody's all fired up on budgie food.
Pepe the Prawn: Those of you who have Dark Side of the Moon, press play now.
Hollywood Henderson: Katelin.
Katelin Kingsford: Et tu, Hollywood?
Narrator: When you're a gay man, you have to feel good about yourself when a urologist says, 'Yeah. I pick you.'.
Dr. Neuman: I don't like it here.