Bobby Long: It's all right, I can walk to the curb from here. Get me a beer.
Flynn Carsen: She may have been in cahoots with Wilde all along! Cahoots... I've been cahooted.
Hiram Gummer: I feel I've not been privy to critical, most needful information.
Fat Albert: You can't let fear keep you from caring about someone, because, caring about someone... is wonderful! A person you think about, and they think about you, and you both know you're thinking of each other... and it's just fantastic to know that there is somebody out there in the world thinking about you.
Chabert: Action. Reaction.
[A big grizzly bear has just appeared from the forest and is standing right in front of Tom, Dan and Jerry.]
Dan: What are you doing?
Jerry: I'm taking off my shoes.
Dan: Why?
Jerry: Because I run faster with no shoes.
Dan: You can't outrun that bear.
Jerry: I don't have to outrun the bear. I just have to outrun you.
Manech: Does it hurt when you walk?
Sarah: Sometimes I think the best view of God is from Hell.
Oz: What, no Jewish prayer before we have our ham and cheese?
Jimmy: You got a problem with my religiosity, Oz? Do unto others before you turn into a pillar of salt.
Jill: Exactly. Unless they're a rat. Then you can shoot them in the eyes.
Oz: A pillar of salt?
Jimmy: That's right. Moses said that. Read the bible, Oz.
Charlie: You saved me Rose. I was wondering where God was and then the next thing you know, there you are at the bedside of a complete stranger telling him you love him was such meaning. And then I knew God was there in that room, with you.
British referee: Ten minutes, luv.
Maggie Fitzgerald: Man says he loves me.
Frankie Dunn: Well, he's probably not the first one to say that.
Maggie Fitzgerald: First since my daddy.
Frankie Dunn: Hm.
Maggie Fitzgerald: I win, you think he'll propose?
Frankie Dunn: You win, I'll propose.
Ollie: Why don't you go get yourself a boyfriend?
Maya: Why don't you go get yourself a girlfriend?
Ollie: I spend all day working and spend all night with my kid.
Maya: So you would rather spend time with your daughter than get laid?
Ollie: Yeah.
Maya: That's sweet. I'm kind of crushing on you, Trinke.
Carl Colt: [Enters betting shop.] Twenty pounds to win, Ajay Bhatt.
Vijay: Hold on, isn't he playing your brother?
Bookmaker: You should be ashamed of yourself.
Carl Colt: Yeah, but curiously, I'm not.
Recruiting Sergeant: Beautiful baby, Ma'am.
Pvt. Lei Sahara: Thank you, Sergeant.
Recruiting Sergeant: Trooper likes me, huh?.. Hurry up spud, we need fresh meat for the grinder.
John Henry 'Jack' Armstrong: What is that?
Alex Guerrero: It's a turkey baster. You're not poking that thing inside me, I don't do dick.
Fatima Goodrich: Don't look at me, I want it the old fashioned way.
Damian Cunningham: I thought it was from God... who else would have that kind of money?
Miles Raymond: Yeah, right. Yup, I'm a homo. Yeah. Yeah. Just make up whatever you want and that's what happened. Okay? Write out my gay confession and I'll sign it. Okay? Just stop pushing me all the time. You're an infant, Jack. This is all a big party for you... but not for me.