Ben Carpenter: C'mon, you mother. Come to papa.
Marv Merchants: Well, prison isn't so bad. We do get salisbury steak on Wednesdays.
Marco Zuluaga: Love is the saddest thing when it goes away, as a song by Jobim goes.
Sheldon: So remember kids, a stepdad is a lot like a new puppy. They need patience and love while they adjust to their new surroundings. But remember - if he is ever abusive to you or mommy, what are the magic numbers?
Kids: 9-1-1.
Sheldon: Thaaaaaaat's right.
Daniel: You take coffee from a bush?
Daniel's 'Boss': Shrub. When you write the rules of the universe you know where all the loopholes are. Hence I created a coffee shrub.
Rachael's Mom: Sweet Jesus, it smelled like someone died in here.
Tony Wilson: We're still together, so whatever you're thinking you're wrong.
Gerald: Do these belts come in any other color?
Bridget: Black or pink?
Gerald: Uh, we'll take black.
Vijay: You have a roof over your head, clothes on your back, food in your belly, what more do you want?
Ramu Gupta: I want what you promised.
Maria Portokalos: I gave you life so that you could live it.
Rachel: I'm with B.N.S.
Kelly Robinson: Yeah, what's B.N.S. stand for? Bitch that Needs some Slapping?
John: We've been banging together like a pair of cymbals in an overworked marching band.
Val: ...driving around his 1938 Vintage Roadster. If someone saw me in a vintage '38, they'd think I was Himmler.
Jimmy Tong: That's definitely not a rental.